Disclaimer: This is not a review of Dabangg. These are mere my remarks and observations on Salman Khan and Dabangg and a story before that.

Tom and Jerry of Blogosphere (Vimmuuu and Smita); now I don’t know who is Tom and who is Jerry. But that’s what they are. Anyways, to continue, Tom and Jerry of Blogosphere; Vimmuuu and Smita have often expressed their love, devotion and fondness of Salman Khan. I instead have been a silent fan. Until last year; Wanted happened and I was all over praising him and also criticizing others. London Dreams came and it was same story. I was all over. Despite flaws I enjoyed it. However, Veer disappointed me. Smita then said ‘it’s not that bad’ and Vimmuuu lovvved it. And by that comment the only point they wanted to make was that they are true Salman fan and a loyalist unlike me. Deep down we all knew how horrible Veer was. They will not accept it though; nope not even today.

So, the war started amongst us. And it took a bizarre and wacky turn before the release of Dabangg.

All happened over the text messages we exchanged. No talks, only SMS-es. Read on.

Smita: Are you guys watching Dabangg first day first show (FDFS)?

Vee: Of course, what silly question? And not just that. I am watching again in the afternoon and then on Saturday; 3 times in 2 days.

Vimmuuu: I won’t be able to catch FDFS. Probably will go for the evening show.


Smita: I am helpless. I cannot go (sad smiley). Lucky you Vee and Vimmuuu Poor you.
Vee is watching FDFS and the show after that and you call yourself Salman fan. Haha.

Vee: Is that right Vimmuuu? Buhahahaha. Poor you.

A day after that:

Vimmuuu: All work aside, I am watching 10 o Clock show. I am a fan and can’t let any stupid work symbolize that I am not the truest fan. Buhahaha to you too Vee.

Vee: I hope your alarm doesn’t go off. Your bike gets punctured and you break your knee while entering cinema hall.

Vimmuuu: I will still watch with broken knee. Nothing now will NOT make me see it FDFS.


A day after that

Vee: Let me see if there is a premiere show on Thursday. Muhahahaha.

Vimmuuu: As if that did not strike me. HeeHaw HeeHaw, I already checked.

There weren’t any Premiere show in Bangalore (Vee) or Chennai (Vimmuuu) and even if there was one in Mumbai (Smita), she anyways could not watch the movie as her baby is small. Poor she.

A Day before the release.

Vimmuuu: I am not watching the 10 o Clock show.

Vee (overjoyed): HeeHaw. HeeHaw. Poor you. My condolences.

Vimmuuu’s immediate reply: Instead, I am going for 9:30 Show. Bhaand me jaaye 300 Rs. I booked for 9:30 and now I will get to see Salman 30 mins before you Vee. HeeHaw HeeHaw.

Vee (disappointed now): Poda. Get lost !

Meanwhile Smita sends text to me.

Smita: That bugger is watching 9:30 show, 30 mins before your show. Bugger he is. He wasted 300 Rs.

Vee: Yeah, he did text me that. He was of course dying to tell me that. I don’t have any 9:30 show here. Let him watch. That doesn’t prove he is bigger fan.

Smita sends sms to Vimmuuu.

Smita: Some people are plain jobless.

Vimmuuus reply: and some are plain jealous.

Smita: Some are real buggers !

Vimmuuu didn’t bother to reply. He was busy hee hawing for the whole day !!!

The D-day; as in Dabangg Day :

Smita curses Vimmuuu through her sms at 9.05 :

It will be pouring heavily. Your bike will run out of gas. There will be no power in the theatre.

Vimmuuu after reaching the theatre retaliate:

Made it to the theatre even though it was drizzling. Hee Haww !! The bang; Da-bangg !!!

So, he did watch the show half an hour before me. But I watched shows back to back. And Smita all this while have been trying to make her presence felt in the battle by texting us the reviews. Her point was that despite having a month old baby she was doing all things possible to keep herself updated. Lol. Reading reviews on your mobile, reading Salman’s crazy tweets won’t make her a true blue fan which she thinks she is. And just because Vimmuuu watched the show before me doesn’t make him too a real bhakt of Salman. I know it’s me and the case rested. But that bugger still watched it half an hour before me! Hmmppphh !!!

Story apart, it’s quite impossible to quantify the loyalty of anyone to other person, be it someone from real life or a celebrity. The story above doesn’t make any sense but it makes me if not the biggest ever fan, it does make me one at least amongst we three. Muhahaha, Buhahaha, HeeHaw HeeHaw to both of you.

Coming to movie, it was an awesome entertainer. Salman for sure has silenced his critics. As Vimmuuu rightly pointed out, Salman has now fan following not just in B and C centers as often said by the critics but in A centers as well. Multiplex Junta is no more shy of whistling and hooting.

For a surprise to Smita, Vimmuuu recorded Salman’s entry and his first dialogue in his mobile. There are cheers, whistles, hoots when Salman appears on screen. Mind it, it was a cinema hall in Chennai where you cannot see this thing happening for any Hindi movie forget any Bollywood actor. When it comes to Tamilians they are very passionate in their choices. Be it films or politics; it’s hard to please them but once done, you can be rest assured of their devotion.


Salman's Entry in Dabangg | Musicians Available


Times have changed. People have embraced him. He did not go out there to make a point. He and his fan knew it. Now, rest all know it too. As Pritish Nandy wrote in a blog before the release: Common man doesn’t like Sanjay Singhania or Surinder Sahni. He wants Chulbul Pandey to entertain him. He doesn’t want to see a business man on screen. He wants a hero and that hero is Chulbul Pandey aka Salman Khan. Hudd Hudd Dabangg, Dabangg.

Love shuts the world they say. I agree, not entirely though. My negligible presence on Blog and other internet sites by my friend were attributed to I being in relationship. I do not agree to this by any means.

I enjoy writing and love doing it elaborately. The moment I watch a cinema I would be penning it down already in mind only to reproduce it later on paper. Whilst reading a book, I am by then giving it shape of coverage to present it later in form of writing for my friends or readers either recommending or refuting it. I hear music and I want to describe it in its purest essence.

No More.

No one reads you completely and moreover no one has time for you. Micro-Blogging and one line reviews (Twitter and Buzz) are in fashion. Why just a review, if you had a black shit instead of natural one it’s there for the whole world to acknowledge or deny on your favorite site. So, who cares what you really felt about a movie or a book or a nice rendition or for that matter a restaurant or any service.

Celebrities are voicing whatever they can cyclically. And competing for the maximum number of followers with their PSEUDO take on anything. So, who cares what I felt. I hope you got the gist or the whole of it.

Attention seeking celebs are now clicks away who are vehemently expressing their innate thoughts; which I can for sure say has changed the way things were taken upon.

The sad spot is people have been blinded with all of it. So, who cares what I have to say of anyone or anything. Weren’t us, critics of them heard err read with interest so that better things prevailed.

Products were detailed, analyzed, discussed and dissected in much more constructive and practical way than in these times and age. So, it doesn’t matter for anyone what I voice as that won’t be taken as critically as it used to (thanks to creators of the products).

This above rambling might be taken as a cribbing. Beware, it is not. Few of us still yearn to say much more than our daily breakfast and evening mishaps but where are the audiences?

Few would still listen but that would not give a kick. As I earlier said, No one reads you completely and moreover no one has time for you.

So, there won’t be any movie or book or music reviews from my end; As to be fucking brutally honest, No one cares.

And by the way, there won’t be any MovieManiax Awards this year. Sorry to all (actually couple of them) who were indeed looking forward to it. I did last year for inner-satisfaction but no more. It doesn't matter whether deserving ones got award or not. I will award them in my mind (by myself); I already did actually.

P.S. I would still like (Though doubt totally) to come back here once in a while to blabber on personal stuff but sadly not on any product or service; no matter how much I enjoyed or was reluctant upon trying. No more.

As I write this, I am at a stage in life where I find myself in love again.

I believe different people have different take on love and for me it is an attitude. I call love an attitude as I have been into it once earlier, out of it, now all over it again.

Now that would not be palatable to few. I have always been truthful to myself when it comes to love. Having said it, I have also made the person aware of it from the onset of the same. What probably was not justifiable was that I expected them to love me back from the moment I confronted it myself. Not justifiable because I never tried to put me into their shoes. I love you so please you better love me too. Now when I think of it, I realize how irrational I had been in prior comparable circumstances.

Candidly, I do not intend to delve into it as it is at a juncture where nothing can be said or analyzed. Yet, I am more than glad all those contemplations are past now. Right now I am in love. And it has not been confronted with any of aforementioned communicable vernaculars. I hope not in future as well.

P.S. Few calls and SMSes from friends and reader made me come up with this Post Script. There is nothing wrong between the lovers and definitely both are happy about being in love. Above could be taken as rambling of an observant mind basicaly skewing at the past. Present is beautiful.

I became single all over again; not recently, 5 and half years ago. I thanked my stars then. I got into a relationship at an impressionable age (I was 17) which went for 5 years and ended amicably without any bad blood (I am still friends with the person). Now, that entire math gives away my age; yeah I am 28 but that’s not important. The significant stuff is after all these years of shying away from it I am back to square one. Yes, I am in love and I am happy like never before. Heard it right, more than I was in my last. Of course Ex is one of my readers and I have already conveyed the same. Ex is happy for me as well.

Things were different then. We both were at the epoch wherein career played a role and won hands down. Career demanded us to be in long distance and none of us budged from our stance. Career prevailed and we parted harmoniously.

So, I was saying I was single all over again and I was on a hunt after one year of mourning the death of prior relation. I took it a lot better than my peers and friends but hormones did drive me crazy at times. And needless to say, I was ruthless in my quest. Now, ruthless doesn’t mean I was engaging in mindless fuck. Ruthless means I was getting prepositioned the way a 23 years would had. Smart, good looking, gift of gab, intelligent, someone who could hold a conversation with a sculpture and was available enticed whomever I met. My friends were hell bent on hooking me up with random obtainable opportunities. But I was in a different state of mind. I shunned them all. I politely and sometime not so civilly turned away and that construed them to believe I was not just ruthless but I was deeming myself as the next big thing after David Beckham. None of which was true.

I unlike another people of my age started my pursuit with a relationship and not some good fun filled fucks and relation later. So, one night stands and random kissing & feeling did not appeal much. I did not discourage those who were all for it. It is all situational but I was not cut out for it. That made me a snob of some decree. I was ok with that.

They say it is easy to impress a man than to the fairer sex, I beg to differ. They say all men need is an opening and rest is immaterial. I beg to differ again. Few of us are looking for more than an opening. So, now I am going to say what clicked this time. We met in a party.

My friend who is also colleague fancied the most gorgeous person walking into the party. I was busy ordering drink so could not set my eyes on this supposedly most gorgeous person walking in. When I returned, my this friend (also single) was all praises for this creature who had supposedly increased the hotness factor of the ambience. I asked him to show me this hotness but his attempt to locate the person was futile. So we all ignored it and indulged ourselves in another round of drinks and dance only to realize my friends whining once again about this hottest factor. I lost it, shouted at him to go and speak to the hotness right away. This made him a bheegi-billi of the elevated order and that made me to dare him to do so more. He wasn’t up for it so I took a bet which he agreed to.

I brushed my hair whilst walking towards the so-called hottest zone of the club. Upon spotting, I Smiled, introduced myself and asked for a dance. I was all ears for a polite or impolite no. I of course in a ‘NO’ would have said that I approached you for a friend of mine. But my offer was accepted and the rest is history. That dance and the conversation which followed swept me away off my feet. A clichéd one but that’s what happened. I had not touched or danced with a more beautiful person before. It was all bliss. I did convey my approach was for a friend of mine and not me. That was received with the cutest smile and was answered, “I knew, I have been following all of you and your gang’s moves. My eyes were set on you and glad you came along.” My heart surely skipped a beat or two then. For sure.

It is three months now since I set my eyes upon this gorgeous person. I find it absurd when someone can actually have this sight of how sexy they are and held that against. And this is the case of my partner. Being so incredibly sexy and unassuming about it at the same time is something not everyone is good at. My incessant overtures on the same are received by even more flattering remarks on me which I in turn receive with unassuming nature.

I often wonder would lover be a bashful repartee to my overtures. Or will let loose so that I can take a good care and communicate how much I love without quantifying it.

P.S. The write up is for you babe and so the title.

Continued from Part 1

The seeds of frenzy for cinema were sown.

My father held that position for a good 4 years till he was transferred to Kasauli in Himachal Pradesh. In those 4 years, I watched close to 250 movies. I had a small notebook maintained of the movies I watched beside other details like cast, director, date of watching et al.

Eventually, new releases started hitting the defense theater as well. The first movie ever which I saw on the first day of release was Govinda’s Ilzaam and incidentally it was his debut movie as well. I do not remember much of that but same year Govinda had another release, Love 86http://blessed-curse.blogspot.com/2009/04/me-and-cinema-part-1.html and I saw that movie 3 times. Govinda instantly took over from Mithun as my favorite. Mithun and his Disco Dancer had left a massive impression on me and those days I could be found fighting with my brother for his stance that Amitabh Bachchan can kill Mithun with one punch. There were no arguments on who is better actor; that did not matter to us then as I recall now. There used to be just fights between us for who can defeat whom if they get in a brawl. Another point I used to put forward was Mithun is a good dancer and Amitabh cannot dance at all. For which my brother retorted with this: Mithun is Nachaniya (slang for cross dressers who dance in weddings up north) and Amitabh is real MARD.

All the time he said this, I did something horrible to him (apart from the ongoing punches and kicks we exchanged). Once, while playing in school during interval, I pronto jumped at him, snatched his glasses and threw far away and ran like hell. Or like pulling his knicker down during the assembly, stuffing his lunchbox with sand, emptying his water bottle.

And all this because of he had bad mouthed Mithun.

Govinda after that movie was my favorite for sometime till I saw a movie released much earlier than Love 86. It was Vinod Khann’s Hera Pheri. Well, it was Amitabh’s too but I was never Amitabh's fan. I had seen other movies of Vinod but Hera Pheri transformed me into a bona fide fan of his. And I knew I was his only fan. No one and I say as a matter of fact, no one in my vicinity ever said that Vinod is their favorite. If few did vouch for Mithun or Govinda, no one mentioned Vinod. I now know I was yet to meet some people who were sensible enough to appreciate what an actor he was and thankfully I do now know many such people and particularly few ladies who appreciate a lot more in him than his persona. I know one such who still gets weak-kneed speaking of him.

When it came to heroines, I was absolutely besotted with Sri Devi from then till now. I need a whole different post to talk of her. So, I am going to talk of other few who enormously caught my interest. There was Neetu Singh and her gleaming smile. Dekh Ke Tumko Dil Dola Hai song had three couples; Vinod and Neetu amongst them but not paired opposite. I was not so happy with that information. Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoy that song (if not the movie) even now when I see it on some channel.

Bollywood then always came up with movies which were like mind puzzles. Whose son/daughter was born where, raised by whom, finally ending where to avenge whatever crime that was committed by whomever gazillion years ago? And I enjoyed all of them. One such was Dharamveer starring Dharamendra, Zeenat, Jeetendra and Neetu. Chuck all, Neetu was the one for me.

Amrita Singh was another who caught my fancy. I was upset with Mayapuri for calling her ‘Mard Singh’ and I was overtly glad few years later when Jackie Shroff called her the ‘Real Princess’. I am not sure if it was Jackie or someone else. I remember reading that though. Whoever it was knew the real her like I always knew.

As I grew older, I also criticized these very favorites of mine (Mithun, Vinod, Neetu, Amrita) for their idiotic roles and bizarre performances. I knew then, I cannot be anyone’s fan just for the sake of it. I found myself to be blatant in my opinion by the age of 10.

The seeds of unprejudiced position for performances were sown.

P.S. A little diversion here: I am not liking the posts/blogs written on MJ's death and how sad people who are writing these are after hearing he is finished.

When he was alive, none of these people wrote post/blog on 'how good an artiste he was' but post his death everyone seems to be mourning his death out of no where. Be it Shekhar Kapoor, Ram Gopal Varma, Adnan Sami or my fellow blog mates; everyone seems to get up from sleep to say something about him. I like anyone else grew up on his music but I never captured him in my writings all this while; so I see no reason to imprison him in my words post his demise.

I commiserate the sentiment of those who spoke of him. In fact, I did go and comment on few of the blogs which spoke of MJ’s death; but I did that out of friendship with the blogger friend who wrote the piece. I do not wish to offend anyone here by saying this; nonetheless I am finding it very uncanny to read plethora of piece upon his death.

When I first watched Cinema Paradiso, I could not believe it. I saw initial days of my life there. For uninitiated Cinema Paradiso in essence would be a story of an eight or nine year old boy who is fascinated with behind the screen happenings at a theater. Loading the reels, focusing, aligning and projecting enthralled him.

The first ever movie (that I remember) I watched in a theater was Silsila (Amitabh-Rekha-Jaya) from the projector room. I remember standing on the stool and peeping through a hole to see a big screen of an open theater. Soon, I came out and stood in the lobby next to the projector room. I was mesmerized. I wish I knew the word love then.

My father worked for Indian Air Force. Those days almost every defense unit (Army, Air Force or Navy) had a mini-theater or an open theater. When he was transferred to Air Force Station Rajokri (Delhi) from Air Force Station Jodhpur (Rajasthan) I was three years old. He was given the charge of an open theater. My mother tells me that technically my first movie was Rocky (Sanjay Dutt) when she carried me along with my twin brother for the first ever screening under my father’s supervision. Of course, I do not remember. However, I saw Rocky much later, bought the DVD and see it once in a while out of ‘missed’ nostalgia. So, Silsila it was, and the coincidence is both these movies were released the year I was born (1981).

I entertained my father’s colleague with an enthusiastic dance whenever ‘Rang Barse’ came on the screen. I saw the last two shows back to back daily for three days, making it six viewing of Silsila in three days. Thereafter, almost all movies had at least three viewings by me.

There were no Fridays release decrees in the Air Force. It was two different movies in a week regulation. Every Tuesday a movie would release which will run for three days and Friday another movie was screened that went till Monday. I was hooked to it. Most of the times the movie would get screened six months after their India release (this I got to know much later) as prints were not directly available to the defense units in those days. Elders knew but no one cared. Defense people were by and large known to be cut off from the world then. There were no updates on new releases anywhere whatsoever which a child could get hand on. I got into a mild depression thinking how I was cheated with the fact that I am the privileged one to see a movie the moment it is made is a different story. I was thinking people who made movies knew my father and are sending those reels directly to him to screen it.

Nevertheless, I also realized I have had an experience of a lifetime. I could touch those reels, feel them, could pause the various stages of the movie right in my hand. I wasn’t allow to load the reel or fiddle with the projector as per my father’s strict orders to his employees but I did start the projector, positioned the focusing light through the hole and adjusted it accordingly on the screen whenever father was away with the help of his subordinate. I spent my time after school drifting around in theater than playing with my friends. I did play few sports but I was a better spectator of them.

The seeds of frenzy for cinema were sown.

Flashback…….

It’s the time of year when vacation, parties, celebrations, and many such activities take precedence. This is also the time of year when almost 30% of all the movies get released. Here in Bangalore its winter already and the evenings are enjoyable and nights call out for a warm squeeze from the lover. This is the best time to write as the creativity and imagination are at its best. But, the sad thing is I am suffering from all possible blocks. I do not feel like writing, I gave up on reading after having started 4 books, I do not feel like socializing and least partying after last Saturday’s heaviness. There is no lover to squeeze the coldness out and the final nail is I am not watching any movies. A movie a day person in me, a movie a day person like me who would any time prefer a good movie over the best possible fuck available is shying away and yes from both.

I called few friends to check if it’s just me. Affirmative responses made me call for a Sunday night brunch with these three SOS friends I got. A high class super-fucking rich and reasonably handsome guy of 26. I call him Ridgeet. He was skeptical after our high drama scene at the recent outing wherein I refused to lend him my spare boots. The asshole always forgot to bring something or the other on our bike trips. It wasn’t tough to convince him though as I agreed to lend him my latest DVDs. The other two godforsaken loonies are actually a couple. I had to check with Ridgeet first of their relationship status before calling on them as in last one year they broke-up and patched up more than Ridgeet had sex in his whole 7 years of active sex life. Thank god I fare better than Ridgeet at least in this case else the guy is always a mark ahead of me. So, these two loonies turned up too. Call them boy-loony and girl-loony.

Dressed in our best, we assembled at this newly opened suburb lounge suggested of course by the girl-loony. So there we were eating food which was priced exorbitantly.

“So, what’s up guys? Long time, eh?” I started as others did not show much interest in starting the conversation. Ridgeet was busy checking out the others, while the other two loonies were busy checking out each other; literally. Ridgeet looked at me, gave a firm look as he answered, “Yeah, well, fine. What’s with Ya?” and tuned away to continue his checking out.

This was not working. I had to say something else. So I slightly turned and faced the two loonies and asked them, “You guys going good? All well in relationship?” The girl loony picked up a slice of fish finger, popped it in her mouth and spoke, “We like each other. The sex is great. But I do not think either of us wants to be exclusive about sex. I mean, I like fish finger but I can not eat this daily. You see what I mean. It’s like the same daal-roti story being told over and over again. Many, I mean almost all aren’t vocal about it, but we both decided to give it a go.” I nodded my head, “You mean you guys want to go in for an open relation.” They both were quiet for sometime. “Only for two weeks” the boy-loony finally opened his mouth.

Ridgeet turned towards us, who wouldn’t get interested by now. He offered his two cents, “I guess that’s perfect. Go for it both of you. Open relations are the ultimate expression of truth, honesty and loyalty.”

I made incoherent question mark noises. “How is it truthful, loyal or honest to sleep with people when you are in love with somebody? I mean I ain’t saying this is wrong but when you are in love, a relation it’s wrong. Ok, if you want to sleep with another person, break off with the current and then go and sleep with other; not whilst claiming to be in love with the current.”

Boy-loony opened his mouth to say something but Ridgeet interrupted him, “Oh, look who is talking of it? Mister got lucky than any of us always and he talks like a puritan.”

I gasped and said, “I ain’t talking like a puritan and I ain’t preaching. I just want to understand how you can claim to be in love with someone and still go screw someone else. I had never been in love of late so you cannot count my endeavors.”

Ridgeet had to have a last say so he continued, "No, seriously. Think over it. We are not meant to be monogamous. We might love one person but we always fantasize over so many others. We always cruise. A pair of breasts, a nice ass, a huge bulge and no matter how good our intentions are, we secretly picture ourselves with them and go home and screw partners. Every relationship that ends because ‘one of the partners slept with somebody else’ always has the tag line attached with it: ‘Honey, it was just sex. Nothing more.’ I think it is high time we made ‘just sex’ a part of our relationship. That way we will all be as fucked as we want to be and less fucked in our heads." Ridgeet had apparently given this a whole lot of thought. The last time he had so passionately defended something was when we had questioned him dating three women at the same time – one for the conversation, one for what she did to him, and one for what he could do to her.

This happened two weeks ago. After that I had a small vacation in Goa. I am back. I am still suffering from few blocks as I overcame the movie-watching one and have watched some 10 good ones in last one week. I somehow managed to write this piece and I am still thinking about open relationships.

Continued…….

So, I had a very interesting fortnight.

So, I watched A Wednesday and The Last Lear. And I was disappointed with the later. ‘A Wednesday’ was a good attempt for a debutante, so I would ignore couple of flaws but ‘The Last Lear’ was a lot disappointing. Btw, an interesting article about ‘A Wednesday’ here.

Now coming to TLL, Why do our actors fake their accent whenever they act in an English language movie? By accent I don’t mean they put on Brit or Yankee or any other accent. It looks our actors are speaking forced English. They are very good at the language but there is something insanely foolish about the way they mouth the dialogues, it is a big put off. Watch Divya Dutta to know what I mean. And critics are going gaga over her. Shefali Shah suddenly takes a spin in her mind when she is asked to do an English film. She becomes a totally different person. Her whole body language suggests ‘I am the Queen’. Watch any of her English movies (including 15 Park Avenue) and you will know what I mean. She is a good actor but I prefer Shefali of Satya any day. Preity, Amitabh and Arjun were just about ok. There was nothing amazingly awesome about them and same goes for the script. Ghosh and Arindham created much hype and hoopla which Neeraj ‘Wednesday’ Pandey did not and ultimately grabbed all accolades and also got his movie short listed in top 5 contenders to be sent for Oscars. So, that made TZP a winner. Would Aamir nail it this time? I wonder. I doubt actually.

I do not fathom why but TZP always reminds me of ‘Bacheha-Ye-Aseman’ (Iranian) film which I saw once again this week. From BYA (later dubbed in English as ‘Children of Heaven’) which won the Best Foreign Language Film at Oscars in 1998 till ‘Leben Der Anderen, Das’ (German; dubbed in English as ‘The Lives of Others’) which won Best Foreign Language Film in 2007 each and every movie was class apart in their own way and TZP is no where closer to any of those. So, I question what likelihood TZP has got now?


So, I bumped into both current and previous ex-lovers (were we??) of mine. How interesting (of course, at different locations and occasions). Ok, before that, a suggestion. Unless you are sure of how things are going in relation, never ever take your date to you favorite hang-outs. NEVER. Once you guys have things talked and all going smooth, take wherever you want. But, before that strictly no. So, what was she (current ex) doing there with a random guy? I am not too uncomfortable in such situations to be honest and can handle it quite well. However, what pinched me was ‘I brought you here once and that was your first time here and it's my favorite you are aware. Go, somewhere else please'. But, It’s not my baap-ka-place in first place. Anyway, so I massaged my ego thinking, ‘Ah, probably she had inkling I would visit the place so she was just dying to have a look at me’. Whoo!!! Whoo!!! Worked.

The previous ex crossed my path at Multiplex. I was going for ‘Rock On!!' and she was coming out after watching it. “What’s with the hair”? She exclaimed. What right she has to make a cry of it? “Well nothing, it’s my new style and punk coloring I went for this time, something other than burgundy”. I said remembering she had always suggested burgundy for my hair in our togetherness days. “Eeewww, It’s not done”. She always reminded me of Janice of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and it had taken me some time to forget her ‘Eeewwws’. “And what’s that goatee thingy without mush”? She continued. “Its Ramadan days so I thought this would be appropriate look”. What was I thinking when I said that? She asked, “What”? "Nothing, catch you later. Tata. Ciao".

So, she was the one I referred in the tag when I said I was trying to kill but she escaped.

So, nowadays I don’t like crowds, I prefer to stay away. There were times when my presence was felt in a crowd. It’s the same now, just that more than speaking much, I am speaking sense now. And when I don’t think I can contribute, I prefer keeping my trap shut. They feel I am depressed these days. I feel I am beginning to realize things. Don’t take anything at face value anymore.

Then when someone asked me about the number of friends I had, I would quote a 3 digit figure! Now the number doesn’t go beyond 3 fingers. It’s not that I've lost them; I’ve realized what 'Being Friends' is all about. Though the people who matter have come down, the extent to which I can go for them has increased by infinite times.

They feel I've become more serious. I feel I've grown. Finally, I have started mattering to me. I am slip sliding on the continuum.

So, three wonderful ladies presented me with some random awards on blogger. Preeti gave me ‘Thoughtful Blog Reader’ award. Reema presented me with ‘Certified Honest Blogger’ award. And lastly, Avdi honored me with ‘Brillante Weblog’ award here and wrote some nice words for me. I am eternally appreciative to all three of you. And before I forget I need to pass on these.

So, here I go:

Thoughtful Blog Reader to Vimmuuu, Preeti and Reema.

Certified Honest Blogger to Mystique Dew and Avdi

Brillante Weblog to Vicky and Smita.

So, I rambled big time here. I cannot write daily so whenever I get time I prefer saying the most. And yes, I rambled on Bollywood here. So, that means I won’t be using my other blog for Bolly rant. Guess I am too lazy to maintain more than one. Peace.

I became single all over again, thanks to me and thanks to the stars shining down. So, now please do not come to conclusion and start hurting my self-less inner something by saying “Huh, so what if he wrote on Impressing fairer sex”.

So, I was saying I am single all over again and I am on a hunt. And my hormones are driving me up the wall and ceiling, everything unworthy of climbing upon. And needless to say, I have been ruthless in my quest so far. They say it is easy to impress a man than to the fairer sex, I beg to differ. They say all men need is an opening and all women need is a huge long list with TDH factor on top of the list plus clean-shaven, witty, humorous, should love her dog & bitches and her folks (the order depends on her) and blah blah. I beg to differ once again. Few of us are looking for more than an opening

So, now I am going to say what went wrong this time. She was so gloomy that even cheerful Sunday afternoon got depressing within 3 minutes of her silent presence (absence for me). As if I care much, but something as sexy as her was glum worried me. What about the evening and night after the gloomy noon lemonade my inner something said. So, I took her hand which was toying the front hair and tried to be unadulterated in sounding what-happened-to-my-lovey-dovey-baby. I succeeded nonetheless. What I got to know was that her ex from whom she had separated some 3 months back had sanctimoniously mentioned to her 3 months back while breaking up that his obvious interest in her was nothing more than a physical draw. I promptly withdrew my hand from her and folded it between my legs underneath table. That helped. And at the same time appreciated her ex’s interest. The guy had taste like me. And the next thing which popped up in my mind was why something which happened 3 months back is spoiling her mood which now by that time had assured me would definitely spoil the eventful evening and night.

She was witty and nice and that is why I was seeing her. I find it absurd that a woman can actually have this sight of how sexy she is and held that against her. I found it even more absurd when during the night while lounging in a night club, two healthy heterosexual people sitting over nicely made alcoholic concoction, in a favorable environment of a dark corner had something else in their minds. Me: why is she thinking of what that ex jerk said something which was actually true and she: still pondering over did he mean that? Guffaw. The very idea of going out for a drink opens exciting possibilities for me. Will she be coy? Will she be a bashful repartee to my overtures? Or will she let her loose so that I can take a good care of her? Will she mind my ogling which gets piercing potential couple of drinks down? But there was nothing of that sort happening. Now how much can you give in yourself without getting anything out of it. I still maintain I am self-less but this self-less, excuse me. Get hold of someone else then.

So, in that moment of bizarre histrionics I said the same her ex had once supposedly said. I said the same. All hell broke loose. And I surprised myself by saying if she wants to get out of it she can (my inner something scolded me one last time), but that was that. All I remember next was she walked out on me but that is not to be remembered as her walk itself was one to die for, it was that VBS thing which flashed like a lightening to my drunken eyes. Whoa!!!

Was that intentional? Till that time I had not noticed that thing coming out. For that matter I had not noticed VBS in our history of 7 dates so far. Anyways how does that matter now. That moment I saw that VBS and I was for the first time happy. VBS can be a big put off for us, u bet me. For uninitiated, Visual Bra Strip (VBS) is fashionable, but then please make an effort in choosing a bra color. Do we men or any of your more sensible women friends have to point out that a dark colored bra under light colored clothing is a crime?

Not that I dropped her for this faux pas or something like that, she chose to. And I happily respect that now. Thank you, nice to meet you. I value my sanity too much to be with you. And there is good in the world. Go smell some flowers, get spiritual but do not come back to me and for heaven’s sake do not talk of me to your next beau.

I wonder why? Why women talk of her past to their present? So I am done with it but I am still hunting. Now all I am waiting for is a real her? Will the real she please stand up or lie down? I am already.

Disclaimer: After reading couple of posts by Nikhil hinting to 'What a man wants' and 'Bay of Pigs', I thought of coming with my own version. A kinda continuation to Nikhil's ramblings and sorta dedication to his posts on similar lines.

Question for the ladies here. When was the last time you watched/observed/interacted with a male and felt a throbbing gasp arising within your heart, your half-opened lips gave a pulsating sigh (which of course meant take-me-home tonight), or you had full mind to tear apart your hair or dress? Oh, you taking this long to answer? Never mind. I will lend a hand answering it. A long ago or in few cases never. I m not amused and surprised. As they say they aren’t making those kinds these days. Now it’s all about meet & delete or one night Sits. (a la Mumbai Salsa)

Question for the gentleman here. Did you ever make that happen to any lady? If yes, hats off. If not, read on.

Hard work never harmed anyone and nor did good manners. Good manners are nothing but a general sense of not pissing off the opposite sex complimented with a common sense of clear politeness. Holding door open and rising when lady gets up is all thing of past and so dead now. So now you must be wondering what it is then if not being a typical gentleman. It’s all about your gestures and your seduction style. Suggestive gestures it is all about my dear friend. I know few who still live in the age of queens and look for mannerisms of kings in their men. Fair enough. Hope they get those kinds who would be doing that all their life. But as the topic here is just about impressing women, why should I be talking of impressing any women as if I will be marrying them. Let them first get impressed and things will follow.

So, now at least you would have guessed what I am trying to say here. Dudes, friends, and guys it’s not all that cumbersome it looks. Those taught to death stuff of poetry and chocolate are just in their mind and varies from girl to girl these days. TDH is no more the prime requirement, remembering the names of all her dogs and family members is downright considered invasion of privacy. All they want is someone who can do something which makes them get faint

Walk into a gathering, settle with a glass of chosen beverage (should be pure alcohol if the place demands so, do not go for cocktails/mocktails) and survey the scene to unleash your indicative gestures. Note down few points here:

· Do not get slipshod drunk: if you won’t be in position to locate your own vitals in if-all-goes-well situation how will you locate theirs?

· Do not be I-am-such-a-cool one: If you are into yourself a lot then god only save you.

· Do not stare: stop pretending your eyes possess see-through capabilities.

Be relaxed, just one drink down one and someone who is not gazing at their throat (you will get to gaze at lot more if all goes well). Once you have the subject chosen, focus on her as whole. Women are much more gifted at getting hints than us.

If on a date (doesn’t matter pre-decided or blind), do not ever go by the rule book and do not come up with the regular stuff of first giving flowers, then trying hard to make polite conversation (read trying hard to avoid sexual talks), insisting on footing the bill, dropping her home and giving a peck on the cheek types of nowadays-considered-useless-and-waste-of-time activities. Surprise her instead with something random and inventive stuff. If already met then do something out of blue which she would never have expected. Instead of memorizing the rules think what you are good at, could be anything and do that. Instead of done to death bits and pieces, come up with a matter where her interest lies. Of course you should know her interest as I said you have already met her. If on a blind date, go by the instinct or leave all to her. Do not bother at all in that case. Be at home and let dear mama get you a nice homely one. Come on, if you do not have a good sense of startling, take help.

Now no matter what do not be late which ever type of category you fall into concerning above. They sometimes, ah no most of the times are hard-to-get types. Even if they are not they pretend. Arrey, something should be there to rant about yaar in the next gossip meeting with other girlfriends. And trust me she will be gladder to say that I ditched cuz he was late, no matter if you are next Al Pacino to grace the face of earth.

Those were the situations where either you were on a hooking spree or dating someone. Mull over now hows and whats of general standing situation. This could be anything. You can bump into your old crush or someone who just shifted into your neighborhood or she just got introduced to you through a common friend. I mean any kind of open, sudden, or common situation.

Smell nice always. Yes I said ‘always’. No matter how good those flowers smell which some of you still might decide to carry, if your body odor cannot be differentiated from that of the drainage then you should be banned from making a public appearance of any kind. If muscular, put some brains in those muscles and for god sake do not try to put accented English if you just happen to return from foreign land.

Do not go on ranting of richness of any kind you possess. Listen intently but do not be of adjusting types if she turns out to be the talking-non-stop-nonsense types. We do respect and value feminism but to an extent and then after all what is this equality all about? Is not a date or whatever that follows supposed to be a mutual one? Should not that be pleasant to both parties involved? Not that you are doing some kind of favor to us by letting yourself go out with us upon asking. Even you want to have same amount of fun which we are looking for. Apparently it was you who tempted poor Adam to lose his abode in Eden, and his virginity. I am not sponsoring remorse free sex here but I am also not denying the fact which is when it comes to that we all want to have (s)experience of all kinds.

Now one of those situations wherein you just happen to see each other much better only after hitting the bed. Mind you I am still not discussing what this topic in initial look seems. It’s just about impressing women and this situation could be one, more so in current scheme of life we all live. Yea, so I was saying you both are there and needless I say we all men have this tendency of overriding and showcasing the ever-going strength of our libido. No matter what, do not get caught without the rubber. One, two or zillion drinks down we all men have this hunch of things-about-to-happen and you still turn out a jackass by not carrying it. Forget the morning-after-pill which she in that or in any case might have to pop up but what on earth are you trying to prove? It certainly would make an impact if you carry it. She might forgive you for not carrying it in that moment of heat and passion but what possibly could have been a second meeting is definitely a foregone reality for sure. And dare I say about the importance of foreplay before following the big O (as they say in novels) and much more importance of the instant just after the successful follow-up. That matters too. Do not behave like someone who has OCD of heading straight to the bathroom to fresh up. In this type of scenario or for that matter any such scenario where sex plays an important part when it comes to impressing all three sub parts namely foreplay, the intimate chase of big O and the moment after are equally important.

You can hardly find me in a fix. I have been reasonably unambiguous with respect to matters pertaining to me. But last few days surprised me too. For, I have been feeling very sturdy about few things.

Why ‘being yourself’ is absolute no-no?
How come speaking your mind is not welcomed and acknowledged?
How important is it to be courteous all the time?
Is it REALLY worth having certain people in your life who claim to love you and know you the most, which in its totality isn't so?

People whom I love and like have often made mistakes. I agree I am no saint. I made mistakes too. But how often can we allow them to do so? But how long can we tolerate? Can we still love and like someone even if they did something you loathe. I can’t. Is love all about ignoring each other’s mistakes and trying to be almond-coated all the time? Is there ‘Love’ in the first place?

Which takes me to territory called 'Marriage'

Nobody can guarantee that two persons will always be happy together, because people change. When you meet someone, she is one person, and you are one person. One year, two years, or five years down the line, she will be another person, and you will be another person. Now you have two alternatives, if you want you can cling on for the sake of promise you made to each other, though you both know very well you are not happy together. Or you can let go of each other.

The real understanding is when you do not promise for tomorrow. Who knows about tomorrow? Tomorrow may come, may not come. I am against marriage. But never sure till today why was I against it? Now I know why? How can I promise to be with her all the time? Tomorrow I may change, tomorrow she might change. I might find someone else with whom I fit more deeply. She might find somebody with whom she goes more sweetly. The world is vast. There are many alternatives. There are many doors to choose from. Then why exhaust all your options with one person. It is marriage that creates problems. It is marriage that has become very ugly. The most ugly institution in the world is marriage, because it forces people to be false. People change, but they go on pretending that they are same.

How do one define self? Shucks, what kind of question is that? Let me rephrase it. Everyone describes self as they perceive themselves. Aah, not happening. Anyways, the point is considering the current SNS, Blog, and sites of every kinds wherein first thing anyone asked is to fill in the 'About Me' section. My reasoning here is if I know 'About Me', why should I say it there? Doesn't it make sense if you join, interact and let others say 'About Me'? Makes sense. But then virtual realization could be diametrically opposite to that person's real self. So, doesn't it make sense if I fill that section? Makes sense to me. Didn't I just contradict myself. Well, I am Oxymoronic for nothing. So, There I go and rant 'About Me'.

BIRTH

This creature Oxymoronic a.k.a Oxy was born on February 16, 1411 as Eros Adonis. He was born special. Cuz he was born in an ordeal!!!! Satan came all the way from hell to sanctify the baby and took him in his hands. When Satan lovingly pinched the baby’s cheek, the baby slipped from his hands. Every one was about to scream in horror but screams got stuck in their throats with eyes and mouth wide open when they witnessed baby landing safely on the ground on his feet. They all then knew he was special.

POST-BIRTH

It was few days after his birth that he began showing evidences of supernatural powers. He began to walk when he was 7 days old and could talk after 12 days. People already started fearing him. Who wouldn’t, if an infant called you a fat, stinking idiot.

4 days after he started talking he wandered around like a nomad and there on the top of hill he saw a beautiful person. He smiled first time since his birth for that exquisite sight of that beautiful person making a drink with aphrodisiac (for beginners, it is a drink or food that makes people want to have sex). He came within reach of that beautiful person and asked her name. She coyly said Aphrodite with a glance that depicted she was waiting only for him all this while. She offered him half the drink and drank herself the further half. And then they got strangled with the hands of lust. In those moments of definitive bliss, he grasped she was not born as ordinary women were; but tied with silver splendor of foam. Blazed in starry skies; raised from the depths of sapphire seas.

Oblivious to the marching steps of some human, they remained entangled in each other’s arms. That ‘some human’ was Zeus, father of her. He saw Zeus raising his right hand with a sword caught in it. And before he could do anything, he saw her head separated from her torso. All her bright golden hair tarnished with rust; She that was beautiful and fair, fallen to dust. Lily-like, white as snow she hardly knew; She was a woman, so sweetly she grew. He laid the heavy stones on her breast and vexed his heart alone; She was at rest. Peace, peace, she could not hear. All his life is buried there; heaped earth upon her.

Nothing interested him. He departed this life before he could grow up. He devoted most of his time in his dingy study room. He started making things that were of no use for him. He called them his inventions. He first made metallic girl – which much to his annoyance did nothing but spit. Then he made sword made of plastic to kill that metallic girl and fire made of snow to melt the sword made of plastic.

And then he made his biggest mistake. He made a time machine…

THE DEATH

He made the time machine when he was 16 years old and the year was 1427. He called that his best invention ever. He loved going back into the time and meddling with history. He pulled the only leaf, which was covering Eve’s private part. He tickled Dussashan in his armpits whilst he was trying to pull off Draupadi’s saree. He slapped one of Ravana’s face and plucked hair out of his nose from the other face. He drank the Jesus’s wine at his supposedly last supper.

He decided to go into the future only once and that day he died.

He leapfrogged to 1981. He was been born again. Satan was bespectacled wearing some white apron this time and there were few girls who surrounded Satan in white hats. He guessed they were Satan’s secretaries. He took more than usual to walk and talk this time. However, wandering stayed put. Everything was diverse and new-fangled to him. People were rotten pieces of scum in this life as well. His soul was filled with gloomy heaviness. He had no joy in nature, in its people, in their activities.

He knew nothing and wished not to know anything at all. With his machine he could easily go into past and come back to present as Eros, but now he was in future and could not go to past as Eros. Cuz he knew it’s effortless to go into past and come back to present but even more complex to come into future and go to past.

That one day a bee sang out a tune for him and mocked his heart. That it stung him to anguish, so there he placed; self-tortured, self-tormented. And that day he died….