I am often told that my posts are by and large very long read. I am not going to ask which any writer rarely dares to ask, “Did you read it till the end?” or “Did you yawn while reading it?” Alright I asked already. Anyway, do not worry this time as this post is just to show off.

Vimmuuu and Smita presented me with Butterfly Award and a Trophy.






Vimmuuu and WIAN presented me with ‘Este Blog Investe e Acredita Na… PROXIMIDADE!’ (Portuguese) award which made no sense till I read the translation in English.


This award is given to a blog that invests and believes in PROXIMITY – nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.



Thereby I present this to the following bloggers: (I am not presenting it to those who already received it.)

- V (Small B)
- Gokul (The most honest one)
- Sam (He is crazy..:))
- Avionic (Missing since 2 months)
- E-I-S-I (Should write often)
- Mystique Dew (Missing since 1 month)
- Vinz aka Vinu (Missing since 5 weeks) And lastly
- Shobhaa De (Oh, I love her!)

Moving on, Poonam announced the results of ‘Avante Garde Bloggies Awards’ couple of days back. I was nominated in two categories and I won both i.e. Best Movie Review and Best Blog Design. I thank each and everyone who voted for me.






Well, I fooled you in beginning when I said this post is just to show off. I also wanted to say that:

2008 is one of the worst years for our Film Industry. Probably I will write a different post on that. Hopefully 2009 would be a better one as I am going to present you with the trailer of three upcoming movies which look very promising.

Dev.D (Pronounced Dev [dot] D)

What’s common between Bimal Roy, Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Anurag Kashyap. Devdas: brooding and alcoholic loser. However, Kashyap will present Devdas in totally bizarre form. In his own words the characters in his new flick Dev.D are not based on Sarat Chandra’s classic book Devdas. Yea, the hero is called Dev, there is girl named Paro and there is a prostitute Chanda, but that’s where the similarity ends. Ah, that says all. I have a feeling this is a work of mockery. I cannot wait to watch the new age Devdas played by Abhay Deol. I love Abhay Deol. The first five movies of his short career have been well appreciated. Call it coincidence or his innate impulse that all five have been made by debutant directors. His sixth and seventh (OLLO and Dev.D) are the only ones not made by debutant directors. I am dying to see Abhay in the role of cocaine-snuffing alcoholic.

Check the trailer and poster here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRLjycn11Rw




Slumdog Millionaire

Now this is the movie which looks very very promising if trailers are to be believed. If the trailer can blow up your mind imagine what would movie do? ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ is directed by Danny Boyle whose earlier works include Trainspotting and Sunshine. The movie has already won many awards at various film festivals and will be released in India next year. The movie is based on the book Q & A written by Vikas Swarup and runs on the line of famous reality show ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’.

Check the trailer and poster here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIzbwV7on6Q




Luck By Chance

The third in list is Zoya Akhtar directed ‘Luck By Chance’ and has her brother Farhan in the lead along with Konkona. The star cast gets alluring with Rishi, Dimple and Juhi. Apart from them Zoya has roped in half of the Bollywood for cameo but the one that every one is excited about is that of Hrithik Roshan.

Check the trailer and poster here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doTBkTc8lXM

This is getting bigger and bigger. When I wrote my last post, I wasn’t being picky and targeting Barkha Dutt in particular. I had put the whole media (especially English News Channel) on pedestal. Moreover, my article clearly hinted towards the histrionics of these self-acclaimed, pseudo-intellects in the repercussions of the terror attack. The interviews, talk shows, video conferencing with every possible neta-abhineta, raja-runk et al have been hackneyed to the core.

Most of us by now understand and realize what these journos have done are not excusable. So now I am really being picky and targeting the poor woman. In my last post I was directed twice to a place where the lady in question had defended herself. I read the article and I wasn’t a bit impressed as she clearly escaped the whole allegations put forth by simply generalizing the whole scenario. Can’t you get it? We (including me) are talking of the recent attacks that were dramatized by you and your tribe. I do not wish to repeat what I spoke in my last post.

Moving on I came across this article written by Shobhaa De. There is absolutely nothing wrong in backing up someone you believe in like De does in Barkha. I appreciate that. What pinches me is how can she be so blind not to realize the obscurity of her own write-up? It stinks of bias. It tastes of disproportion. And ultimately it ends up looking nothing more than a case of back-scratching (Remember her 'Enough is Enough')

Madam De backs her (and tribe) by saying they were doing their job like you and me. They risked their lives by reporting non-stop. Whoa!!! For your kind attention Madam De that whole damn non-stop coverage did pose more threat to the lives already in jeopardy. It has been accepted by the police and the commandos and the rescuers except these journos, of course. They will never accept it. Sam left a fine comment in her post stating, “To draw an analogy - do we get a min. by min. update on the progress of a life and death surgery of a loved one? Don't we let the surgeons do their job? The same restraint has to be shown during blasts at public places."

She says these reporters were in War-Zone whilst we sat in the safety of our homes. Madam, can you tell me who in first place decides whether the media should be present at such sites or not? They were there by their own choice. So, please stop this game of reverse psychology. And even if the producers wanted them to be there, are their brains peanut sized that they cannot fathom what to show and what not to?

Madam De continues to add, “This is not the time for professional rivalries - who got more air time, who was side- lined, who was 'better'?? This is not a film awards nite with actors vying for the top honours. Every single anchor, whether it was Arnab or Rajdeep ,was superb. If they did goof up on certain details, jumped the gun..... that's understandable."

At this point let me bring forth a point which has been floating in my mind. All the channels were trying to beat each other by reporting in their own exclusive way. TRPs were at stake after all. Alright. When we talk of situations like this, don’t we all talk of bringing about the change? When aam-junta complaints of political, judicial or any other system, the first thing that is thrown to us is, ‘Why are you cribbing? If you want change, start doing something of your own. You start and rest will follow suit.’ Aren’t we given that profound logic when any of us lesser mortals speak up? Similarly, it’s all up to them. One of them has to stand up and say, ‘Hey look, we are not taking the path others have taken. If they are showing it, doesn’t mean we should do that too.’ One stance and you will be acknowledged. Of course it’s not film awards night and we people are not saying it. They themselves made it Indian Oscar by outsmarting each other in the race of TRPs. And by the way Arnab and Rajdeep were also sitting in the safety of their respective studios like you and I were sitting at home.

Coming back to Barkha, none of us in our right minds were interested in knowing how many family members a particular guy lost when she interviewed him live on TV. None of us in our sane minds bothered whether yours was THE ONLY CHANNEL who got the news first as you repeatedly reminded us. What resistance plan you have now for the charges made by Navy Chief Admiral on you? He has put blame on you for the loss of three soldiers during Kargil War because of your irresponsible coverage. That was 1999. Nine years down the line and what have you learnt since then Barkha?

Madam De in one of her gazillion articles written during those 60 hours mentioned how we fucked up in as many words. I say Media fucked up and Barkha a bit more. De sums up her trial on Barkha by reserving an extra ‘taali’ for her. I would give an extra slap to her. Why not? Each to his own, you only say that na. And for heaven’s sake, please refrain yourself from showing empathy towards the aam-junta. Social butterflies like you do not get brownie points for that.

P.S. Please read some of the finest comments I ever read in De’s post especially by a certain Joy.

A week of actions, reactions, anger, shock, disgust, distress, debate, speculations after, not much has been achieved spot on. We talked about it in our bedrooms, pondered over it like never before, and conversed over coffee and beer. Do we have any concrete upshot to it? Nothing except the drama which we are all subjected to, thanks to our media. I am not going to add anything which is not been said or debated over since a week of Mumbai Terror. Neither am I going to blame media for what they showed in those sixty hours nor I am getting into another round of blame-game. Few channels have been sent notice for screening the footages that were uncalled for by I&B. I wonder whether that would do any good. For me that’s an open and shut case. My case is not that. The case here is what those few pseudo-intellect, highly acclaimed journo have been doing post-relief of the terrorists attack.

Our very brave Barkha Dutt who covered Kargil in 99 has turned the current episode into a soap-opera. She is melodramatic to the core. Her histrionics are over-the-top and pessimistic to say the least. With a heavily-choked tone of voice, she did nothing but the dramatization of the whole scenario. If you are so choked, ask your camera guy to switch off and cry your heart out. Come on, we all are choked beyond utterance. And if that doesn’t suffice her hysterical ego, she calls a bunch of morons for a debate and asks them equally moronic questions. Abhishek Manu Singhvi, politician from INC joined her show via video conferencing was praised not once but twice by her in one hour of the show. The public present there are for some purpose and not to listen to her tirade twice, “Sir, you are the only politician who turned up, rest all refused citing they might get beaten up. I appreciate you came over.” What the FUCK. People have some questions for him. Give them a chance to ask those instead of your ‘Oh-I-am-so-powerful-yakking’. A couple of questions did put him in dock, yet she was quick enough to bail him out of it with her repeated rants. And then she goes onto cut almost everyone present there with ‘how short of time she is’ in a show which was already reduced to forty minutes because of ‘we will take a short break’. Can’t these guys get done with the Advertisements at least now, at least for one show? I am sure they can. Who the hell is interested in watching those Ads at this time of crisis when we are so full of questions and we want some answer to them? How else we can ask those questions to an authority? How else other than you Barkha? What was the need of reciting 3 minutes of grief-stricken poem written by Prasoon Joshi in between the show? With all fucking respect to Prasoon, I know you are as devastated as any of us; and you poured your heart by writing a poem. But get your own platform to showcase your poetry skills. What irked me was she cut short (a very valid question a gentleman had put forth to the congressman at that very moment) stating, “We have a poem by Prasoon.” God Bless you Barkha.

What with the chosen guest list? I do not fathom what Simi, Kunal, Ness and Ratna were doing there? Bachi Karkaria’s presence made sense till she blabbered “We should not blame the present govt. as this would have happened if any other party was at the center.” Wow, that was some soothing statement. Barkha nods in agreement. How the hell a senior journo can make a statement like that despite knowing there were warnings given to this present govt. in advance. All were buffoons and the biggest was Barkha for choosing such an elite group of morons for her show.

If Barkha is Ekta Kapoor of Media, Arnab Goswami is Shahrukh Khan of Media. He hams, mumbles, gets short of words all the time and the biggest fuck up is he (like SRK) thinks he is the best. All channels do ‘how-this-news-was-first-reported-by-them’ thing but no one harps on it like Arnab. Sometimes I feel he would come out of the television, will held me by collar and say, “Did you get it? Times now brought this piece first to you.” Who cares who showed it first I ask?

Rajdeep Sardesai of CNN-IBN is no saint either. In fact, all of them have given themselves into building news as sensational as possible at the cost of anything and everything. Almost all of them devoted 3/4th of their news on Taj and Trident. How can they forget that it all started from VT (CST) where 50 plus lost their lives at the outset of this atrocious terror strike? Was it because first time elites of this nation were attacked? Were not the lives of those who travel through the locals worth covering more than the chiffon and tuxedo wearing socialites chatting over a sit-down dinner? Why was CST ignored just like that? With all due respect to those who died at Taj and Trident, I request media to act responsible and ask right questions to the right people.

Aamir is flaunting it too now. At least he doesn’t remind you of dying-lizard SRK looked like with his six-packs. Ghajini, a remake of Tamil Ghajini which in turn is the copy of Memento would be hitting the screen in the last week of December. The first look was out couple of weeks back and didn’t everyone just praise his bloated look. I found the pictures repealing. No way it passed for an ultra hot few claimed it to be. And then the promos came. Thank god, he looked better than the stills. However I am annoyed with ‘Oh!, Look at me, I am so perfect’ attitude of his. Alright, you are good, you have a knack of getting into all aspects of film-making (many call that ‘interfering’), you sweat and burn yourself out, and you do whatever you do with conviction but for heaven’s sake do not shove that on our face. We want to watch a good movie. Yes, indeed you presented us with many such gems, but how can you forget you have done Mela, Mann, Raja Hindustani too and there are many more.

We are not interested in knowing how deep you go into a project to make it work. We all know what transpired between you and Amol Gupte; the poor guy had to walk out of TZP as director so that you can soothe your ego. I do not have any vendetta against you. I like your work, I like seeing you act but all I expect is a little humility; in accepting that Ghajini is a copy of cult film Memento and accessibility; not only when you have a movie up your neck to promote, be it your or nephew’s. I feel you are no more the same Aamir after Lagaan. Of course you gave many hits after that but Aamir of pre-Lagaan days was some one else.

Btw, the current song from the movie reminds me of your Fanna look, those drapes, those close-ups are just that. So much for perfection.

So, tomorrow Dostana is getting released along with Dasvidaniya. I am watching Dostana in the morning and Dasvidaniya later in the night. Oh, I am tired of Priyanka Chopra. Dostana would be her sixth release this year; Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi would see her in a cameo and not to forget her countless advertisements on TV. Apart from fashion, she sucked in all the movies. Dostana will have her Chamku star Bobby Deol paired (supposedly) against her and trust me they make for an awful couple on screen. For that matter I do not see her making a great pair with any one particular actor. She gelled with Abhishek and Hrithik in Bluffmaster and Krrish respectively but those were one off incidence.

This would be after so long that all the three Khans will have their respective releases in the same year and in same month. Now, that Salman’s Yuvvraaj is postponed to December, the alternate weeks in December would see Yuvvraaj, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and Ghajini hitting the screens. Ghajini would be a hit for sure but I am not so sure of other two. I feel Subhash Ghai has lost it after Taal. Yaadein, Kisna, Black & White; all failed miserably and people are expecting a lot from Yuvvraaj. Rab Ne.. is Aditya Chopra’s third movie as director after DDLJ and Mohabbatein. Rab Ne.. is that of an underdog who rises like a phoenix and wins his wife’s heart and mind. If the screenplay and editing is taut, the movie should work for sure.

Let’s hope for a good year end. I am eagerly waiting for Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye.

I end with the tag Vimmuuu had asked me to do some eons ago. I am supposed to put up my snap which should be taken 10 or more years ago. Haha, I have truck loads of hard copies of my snaps but I am too lazy to scan and put it up so I am just going with one which I managed to fish out from somewhere. The photo was taken when I was in Second Class (KV Gurgaon). I am the first person from left in the second row. And yes, my twin bro is somewhere there too in the photo. Vimmuuu, I will keep digging for more and will put up as and when I get them.

Music:

Sneha Khanwalkar nailed it this time. The lady who gave not-at-all impressive music for RGV’s Go last year has done a commendable job with the compositions of upcoming movie, Oye Lucky Lucky Oye(OLLO). Dibakar Khosla ka Ghosla Banerjee is all set with his second movie (looks promising if I go by the promos). Title song is already a chartbuster a la KKG’s Chak-De-Phatte but the two other songs which hold your attention are Superchor and Tu Raja Ki Raj Dulari. Tu Raja Ki Raj Dulari has a touch of Rajasthani folk. This is the one I am particularly hooked to since couple of days. This is the kind of song either will make you a slave of it or would repel you and you won’t hear it again. If later be the case, please give it a shot again and listen. The song in high-flying words is superlative, awesome, and mind-blowing. And beware of few raised eyebrows whilst you listen to it. Trust me there would be few people who would say, ‘what the heck are you listening to?’ The song is such.

‘Superchor’ is a Punjabi number which can be termed rap as well. But, it’s unlike those high-pitched, loud; ear shattering ones which aam-junta usually associates the Punjabi songs with (remember Bhootni Ke). Sample this:

‘Jugni Rehti Sheeshe Paar’
‘Odi Kothi Sector Chaar’


‘Jugni Kehdi English Bol’
‘Hello How You Do You Bol’


Lyrics are penned by director himself along with Amitosh Nagpal and Mange Ram and few words here and there are difficult to understand but the music is so damn impressive that you can hardly call that a flaw.

So, that’s the music I am currently listening in to. A lot better than Tandoori Nights and Tu Saala Kaam Se Gaya of recent times.

Also good are these:

Muskura from Dasvidaniya sung by Sonu Nigam. I rate Sonu a lot higher than any other singer of last decade. I was disappointed with his Makhna from the movie Heroes. But with Muskura he made it up. Another singer whom I put high up there is Mohit Chauhan (of Silk Route). Mohit who has Khoon Chala, Guncha Koi, Tum Se Hi to his credit is back with two beautiful ones this year. Kuchh Khaas from Fashion and Aankhon hi aankhon me from EMI. Sukhwinder sings once again for SRK after last year’s Dard-E-Disco, a song that had constipated written all over it, be it Sukhwinder’s voice or SRK’s dance. This year he sings Haule Haule for Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, a pretty decent number.


Books:

Coming to books, I finished four of them (that I had got in the beginning of this year) in last two months. Local and Vertigo (recommended by Smita) are by Indian authors; Jaideep Varma and Ashok Banker respectively. Both have backdrop of Mumbai and both are told from point of view of young man. Protagonist in Local works in ad-agency and describes the Local trains of Mumbai as his home while that of Vertigo is caught between an alcoholic mother, demanding girlfriend, and not-so-good-paying job. Both the books are very readable. Btw, Jaideep Varma has now turned director with Hulla which was released in September this year.

Third book was Orhan Pamuk’s My Name Is Red, a story of multi-layered plot told from various POVs like the murderer, the dead, the dog, the satan, the red (color) and high chances reader will get confused and irritated to the point of leaving it in midst. However, it is a great piece and almost faultless. The last in the list of finished ones is Memoirs of my Melancholy Whores written by Nobel Prize winner Gabriel Garcia Marquez. The book is 100-odd pages that can be finished at one go of 2 hours or so. I had heard of Marquez and his Love in the time of Cholera is on my to-read list for over three years now and I haven’t bought it yet. Nonetheless when a friend strongly recommended MMMW, I bought the book and enjoyed reading the story of a journalist who decides to sleep with a young virgin girl on his ninetieth birthday; on the pretext of treating himself and eventually falls in love with the young virgin girl who was set up for him by his old friend; a lady who ran a brothel. The book is rich in literature and now I am eager to read his other books.

I have picked booker winner The White Tiger now and if not extremely enjoyable so far (as I have read just 50 pages), the book is at least readable considering the other booker winner (2006) ‘The Inheritance of Loss’ never saw the daylight after I packed it in a carton which consists of ‘started-reading-left-and-will-never-read-again’ books. TIOL was remarkably a gloomy book from the first page.

Movies:

Fashion was a decent watch but Madhur is now getting repetitive. Half the reels of fashion are influenced by his previous works. His next one Jail sounds interesting but I wonder what he will showcase. Sodomy? Probably. Golmaal Returns was an awfully sad movie. Quantum of Solace put me to sleep and so did Righteous Kill. I was expecting a lot from Righteous Kill especially. Nevertheless after watching it I decided to pick 3 random movies each of De Niro and Pacino from their young days. Taxi Driver, The Deer Hunter and Raging Bull it was for De Niro; Dog Day Afternoon, Donnie Brasco and Scent of a Woman it was for Pacino. I love watching these movies again and again. Paul Newman’s Hud was another one which I caught in between. Hud is a great movie laced with one of the finest dialogues ever written.

World Cinema:

Irreversible (French) is a thriller/mystery that lasts over a night. The story is told in a reverse order. The movie has lot of violence, gore and sexual assaults. It can be disturbing for few. Rating – 4 Stars

400 Blows (French) is a powerful story of a young boy at the threshold of becoming an adolescent. The boy is neglected by all and is seen as troublemaker. Starting from trivial crimes to eventually getting into stealing things he finds himself arrested. He is sent to juvenile detention but soon sent to work camp. The film deals with sensitive issue of adolescent criminals and how they are dealt. Rating – 4 Stars

Grimm (Dutch) is a story of two adults; brother-sister duo who are left on their own in the forest by their father. The pair goes to Spain to their Uncle who now turns out is dead. They meet a Surgeon who falls for the sister, takes them to his mansion and marries the sister. Their lives turn upside down when they get to know the Surgeon in actual steals the Kidneys when brother one day wakes up to find himself in a dessert while Sister is confided in a cellar. Rating – 3 Stars

Happy Together (Mandarin) is a Hong Kong movie about two gay men who go to Argentina for work. One of them (Ho) is promiscuous and leaves the other (Lai) as he cannot keep a monogamous relation. Once when beaten up Ho returns only to find Lai is not so approachable intimately. Ho begs to Lai to give him another chance. Lai agrees and they are back together as couple. Once stable, Ho goes his usual promiscuous way and leaves Lai again. Rating – 4 Stars

Flashback…….

It’s the time of year when vacation, parties, celebrations, and many such activities take precedence. This is also the time of year when almost 30% of all the movies get released. Here in Bangalore its winter already and the evenings are enjoyable and nights call out for a warm squeeze from the lover. This is the best time to write as the creativity and imagination are at its best. But, the sad thing is I am suffering from all possible blocks. I do not feel like writing, I gave up on reading after having started 4 books, I do not feel like socializing and least partying after last Saturday’s heaviness. There is no lover to squeeze the coldness out and the final nail is I am not watching any movies. A movie a day person in me, a movie a day person like me who would any time prefer a good movie over the best possible fuck available is shying away and yes from both.

I called few friends to check if it’s just me. Affirmative responses made me call for a Sunday night brunch with these three SOS friends I got. A high class super-fucking rich and reasonably handsome guy of 26. I call him Ridgeet. He was skeptical after our high drama scene at the recent outing wherein I refused to lend him my spare boots. The asshole always forgot to bring something or the other on our bike trips. It wasn’t tough to convince him though as I agreed to lend him my latest DVDs. The other two godforsaken loonies are actually a couple. I had to check with Ridgeet first of their relationship status before calling on them as in last one year they broke-up and patched up more than Ridgeet had sex in his whole 7 years of active sex life. Thank god I fare better than Ridgeet at least in this case else the guy is always a mark ahead of me. So, these two loonies turned up too. Call them boy-loony and girl-loony.

Dressed in our best, we assembled at this newly opened suburb lounge suggested of course by the girl-loony. So there we were eating food which was priced exorbitantly.

“So, what’s up guys? Long time, eh?” I started as others did not show much interest in starting the conversation. Ridgeet was busy checking out the others, while the other two loonies were busy checking out each other; literally. Ridgeet looked at me, gave a firm look as he answered, “Yeah, well, fine. What’s with Ya?” and tuned away to continue his checking out.

This was not working. I had to say something else. So I slightly turned and faced the two loonies and asked them, “You guys going good? All well in relationship?” The girl loony picked up a slice of fish finger, popped it in her mouth and spoke, “We like each other. The sex is great. But I do not think either of us wants to be exclusive about sex. I mean, I like fish finger but I can not eat this daily. You see what I mean. It’s like the same daal-roti story being told over and over again. Many, I mean almost all aren’t vocal about it, but we both decided to give it a go.” I nodded my head, “You mean you guys want to go in for an open relation.” They both were quiet for sometime. “Only for two weeks” the boy-loony finally opened his mouth.

Ridgeet turned towards us, who wouldn’t get interested by now. He offered his two cents, “I guess that’s perfect. Go for it both of you. Open relations are the ultimate expression of truth, honesty and loyalty.”

I made incoherent question mark noises. “How is it truthful, loyal or honest to sleep with people when you are in love with somebody? I mean I ain’t saying this is wrong but when you are in love, a relation it’s wrong. Ok, if you want to sleep with another person, break off with the current and then go and sleep with other; not whilst claiming to be in love with the current.”

Boy-loony opened his mouth to say something but Ridgeet interrupted him, “Oh, look who is talking of it? Mister got lucky than any of us always and he talks like a puritan.”

I gasped and said, “I ain’t talking like a puritan and I ain’t preaching. I just want to understand how you can claim to be in love with someone and still go screw someone else. I had never been in love of late so you cannot count my endeavors.”

Ridgeet had to have a last say so he continued, "No, seriously. Think over it. We are not meant to be monogamous. We might love one person but we always fantasize over so many others. We always cruise. A pair of breasts, a nice ass, a huge bulge and no matter how good our intentions are, we secretly picture ourselves with them and go home and screw partners. Every relationship that ends because ‘one of the partners slept with somebody else’ always has the tag line attached with it: ‘Honey, it was just sex. Nothing more.’ I think it is high time we made ‘just sex’ a part of our relationship. That way we will all be as fucked as we want to be and less fucked in our heads." Ridgeet had apparently given this a whole lot of thought. The last time he had so passionately defended something was when we had questioned him dating three women at the same time – one for the conversation, one for what she did to him, and one for what he could do to her.

This happened two weeks ago. After that I had a small vacation in Goa. I am back. I am still suffering from few blocks as I overcame the movie-watching one and have watched some 10 good ones in last one week. I somehow managed to write this piece and I am still thinking about open relationships.

Continued…….

There I go with my take on Karzz. The review which you see below is not exactly the same which I wrote for PFC here. I wrote the below piece and sent to PFC which was sent back to me stating I need to modify it as this looked more like an attack on Himesh than a balanced review. So, I modified it a bit which got published here.
Btw, if the below one doesn't look a balanced one then read it as my take on HIMESH and other buffoons who raped and pulverized the orignial Karz; a classic.

It is futile to analyze and dissect Karzz as it’s undisputed that when it comes to Himesh everything he does sucks including judging those mindless talent shows wherein all he does is ‘give roti’ to anyone who remotely howls and hams like him. His music to an extent was good till he assailed us with his much-known nasal crooning. Aashiq Banaya, Aashiq Banaya was bearable which was accepted as there was a new fresh voice in the market. He should have stopped there and then and made HISTORY; the word with which he is obsessed these days. Watch him in the current season of ‘Sa Re Ga Ma’ and you will know what I mean.

Anyways so he should have just stopped singing after that chartbuster and concentrated more on composing. But that was not the case. Sar pe chaddh ke baith gaya and bombarded us with his howls one after the other. We ignored. How could he put up with that and gave age-old cliché ‘love me or hate me, can’t ignore me’ a forceful win by deciding to act. We gave up. The guy is suffering of psychosis we convinced ourselves with as we saw him getting fused with the famous trio already suffering with that: Ekta Kapoor, Karan Johar and Rakhi Sawant.

After showcasing his shaved bare-chest in autobiographical Aap Ka Suroor, he goes a step further in Karzz and does a whole makeover by getting hair silkier, lips fuller and legs much slimmer than both the heroines while figure (not physique) somewhere in between the lasses. There is stiff competition amongst the trio as who got the better shade of lipstick.

I do not know whose idea was it to cast Himesh as Monty (a role made iconic by Rishi). Whoever it is but this could be the worst case reported of casting; even worst than AB as Gabbar. Rishi was an icon, heart-throb of million girls who had bitches named Neetu which were kicked daily. He made nation dance to his ‘Om Shanti Om’ and ‘Ek Haseena Thi’ and later now is pulverized beyond mend by Himesh. Even DJ Suketu’s remix sounds thousand times better. He confessed before the release that “Rishi is the best-looking Monty and I am the worst.” Oh yes, you buffoon. What took you so long to realize?

Satish Kaushik (Director) agrees that no one can match Rishi’s performance. So much confidence in the beginning it self. Whoa!!! Satish adds, “I can judge between good, bad and amateur performances and I have to admit, he has surprised me with his performance.” Alright Tere Naam was fluke. That’s all I can construe from this statement of yours Satish Ji.

And surprised were we to know Himesh as Monty. As if that was not enough, you have Urmila as Kamini. Simi got nominated for her role. I doubt if Urmila would be. No, I am sure. She won’t be.She looks frail and malnourished. That ghastly blood-soaked red lipstick gave Chudail-on-run feel to her wicked act. Chudail also goes onto give some hip-shaking moments with the buffoon. Falooda Nights.

Shweta Kumar is easily forgettable. She has nothing to do. I won’t add apart from this or that. She is nonentity. Her act doesn’t add to the story. And you wonder how that could be? In original, Tina Munim did carry the story forward and she is noticeable unlike Shweta. Watch out for few classic moments like once when she is singing Monty’s famous song and forgets the lines and soon you see Monty completing the lines. Classic? Because he is on a helicopter and she is on earth. How the hell he heard her singing and forgetting the lyrics? Mashallah.

I have been lately been intrigued by what not-so-nice-and-gentlemanly words are called and pronounced in various languages and have learnt quite a lot of them and today I want to hurl all those freaking-so-awful-they-are-actually-splendid-to-hear words on every one associated with the movie called Karzz, Ghai-Kaushik-T-Series-The Buffoon-and-The Chudail. As I exchanged SMSes late in the night with some one connected in the making of this film and has seen it, I informed him that I am going to catch Karzz first day first show. He replied, “Haha, All The Best.” Wow!!! That was comforting.

Something which I read somewhere today: ”Karzzzz belongs to a guy who has supreme confidence in his capabilities, and for the fans who agree. For the rest, there is always something on TV. Himesh is sure to stay.”

Alright, time for us to relocate to Somalia guys.

My second article to get published at PFC (on 11th Oct'08).

I thought I was done with Drona when I wrote its review here and later on I read the interview of Goldie Behl (Director of Drona) and I believe he needs to SHUT UP and yes, in Marathi. That’s up to him how he does that? At least one person (Raj Thackeray) would be eternally happy knowing people are not just speaking but shutting up too in Marathi.

So there goes the interview which he gave and my reaction fed in between it:

Director Goldie Bhel's recently released fantasy adventure Drona didn't get an overwhelming response at the box office, but the director is happy with the fact that superstar Shah Rukh Khan and his son Aryan loved the movie. "It's important for children to enjoy Drona. I'm glad Aryan enjoyed it. I made the film for children, not for those who like their cinema twisted and perverse," Behl told IANS. Behl is determined to make a sequel to Drona and says he will dedicate it to Shah Rukh's son and his son Ranvir.

I say: Alright, so you ought to make it clear from the beginning that you are making Drona exclusively for SRK and his puttar. Why this sudden revelation after the Drona’s disapproval from almost all the sections?

Isn’t it important for children to enjoy any movie that is made, why single out Drona? Don’t give its-my-baby crap now. And look who is talking of twisted and perverse cinema? "Bas Itna Sa Khwaab" is etched forever in mind for being one of the most abnormal cinema and Drona goes beyond the limits of absurdness.

Ok, why not dedicating the sequel to SRK’s dogs and bitches as well. They will for sure be missed in the credits else.

"And all the children of our country who have to watch crime thrillers and sex comedies because fantasies are not made in the country. No matter what the outcome of Drona is at the box office, the sequel will most certainly happen,” he said.

I say: What? Did you run out of your 2.5 grams of brain? Children are getting their share of entertainment. And last one year in particular from this day had been blissful for them. Toddlers or Tweens; everyone had their share of fun and entertainment. And wasn’t Hari Puttar released a week before your film?

Ok, go ahead make the sequel like a gentleman. No matter how much we criticize you won’t stop, so why so much of tom-tomming?

Commenting upon the criticism, Behl said, "As far as we're concerned we've made a film that dares to go into an unexplored genre. Critics are all the time complaining about our films being borrowed from foreign sources.
"When I've attempted something original, why shouldn't I carry the story forward?


I say: And there you blurted it yourself. Did you just say ‘something original’? Well, then you are not doing the reading or listening of the criticism by the book? More or less everyone has pointed out how Drona is muddled up product of many Hollywood movies. Yours truly himself has taken the names of Harry Potter, Fast-n-Furious in his review. And few that I forgot to mention then could be Troy (Brad Pitt meeting his mother), Matrix (The highway chase scene where Trinity and Keymaker are on motorcycle), and some part reminds of Keanu Reeves and Al Pacino starrer 'The Devil's advocate' where Al is a satan. I guess that's enough. You can excuse yourself in case after the debacle of BISKH you have been living in some remote island penning the script of Drona and not aware of who-the-heck is Potter and what-the-heck-those-movies-are which I mentioned? From beginning till end you have borrowed ideas from all possible fantasy stories. Accept it like a man.

Shah Rukh loved the film. He told me his son loved the film. My three-year-old son Ranvir saw the first film of his life at the premiere of Drona. And he couldn't take his eyes off the screen,” he said.

I say: So SRK is the one to love it, huh!!! He for one has not forgotten his Asoka and waits every moment for that to be declared a classic someday.

I do not hold your son guilty. What a three year old can make out of any happenings on big screen anyways? For a first film in theater even I as four-year-old tot could not take my eyes off the screen when I saw Silsila which was based on infidelity. Of course I could not have made anything out of it. And does that mean more movies on extra-marital affair should have been promoted that time just because a four-year-old tot could not take his eyes off the screen? But my dad was not SRK or you and I thank my stars for that.

Do you really think you are being rational here by bringing such analogy? If you are not then why would we? Many parents have already replaced ‘So jaa varna RGV Ki Aag dekhani padegi’ with ‘So jaa varna Drona dekhani padegi’ giving RGV’s film some kind of popularity for over an year only now till your movie took the coveted phrase.

Abhishek Bachchan, who played the title role in the movie, welcomes the idea of a sequel. "It a very interesting possibility. And taking the story forward is an idea that we've planted into the climax of the story. I don't see why we should change our minds," said Abhishek who was seen in sequels like Dhoom 2 and Sarkar Raj.

I say: He needs to save his face any which ways. From day one he has been getting offers without much sweat, so how does Drona being totally neglected would affect him? He has nothing to lose in both the cases of sequel being made or not; and the gain could be Drona-2 might hit the nail. So, he is just being the insightful businessman as expected of actors.

"It's a new genre. There're no reference points to Drona in the audiences' movie-viewing experience. Initially, they were bound to be a bit confused, as we always are by something new. We were prepared for that," said Abhishek.

I say: And so are we now to face your next classic.

"At the end of the movie Drona's son, played by producer Shristhi Arya's son Veer, is being shown tailed by the same supernatural powers as his father. The sequel, it is understood, will launch a new young actor as Abhishek's son and will carry the adventures of Drona into a new realm.”


I say: Hey, take Aryan (SRK’s son) for heavens sake. Why mere a dedication to him? Launch him straightaway.

"Goldie Behl may take a break to make another film. But most probably he'll go to the sequel as the very next one. The story of the Drona-in-waiting has to be told. In fact, Goldie has already written a major part of the script for the sequel and will be casting soon," said a source.

I say: All The Best. (How do I say that in Marathi?)

Socha nahi tha Gandhi Jayanti day would turn out be a fun day. I happened to watch two amazing movies that I am sure will be termed 'Classic' in times to come.

I wrote the review of Drona for passionforcinema.com and as their policy suggests I cannot publish it anywhere until it's published with them. They take 5-7 days to decide if it's worth being published on their site. And today it got posted there. Click Here to read/rate it at passionforcinema [dot] com OR Read below.

Drona – A Groan (a)

All I wanted to do on my day off was catch Drona and Kidnap back to back. I saw few young girls coming out laughing and giggling after the noon show of Drona. Oh, girls usually do that whenever you bring in any super-hero. But, soon few middle aged people followed and they were all smiling and giggling too. Few to themselves and others in a loud growling fashion. I was confused. I had not read any review whatsoever of it anywhere. And people’s reaction intrigued me more. This usually is the case when the movie is supremely entertaining or devastatingly horrible or its RGV Ki Aag. I used to believe there is just good or bad cinema until I saw RGV Ki Aag. Yes, RGV Ki Aag is another category in itself.

I was getting restless by now and could not wait to unravel the mystery behind the laughs and guffaws.

Movie starts with a voiceover introduction of what you are about to see (go through). It gives a short synopsis of who-the-heck Dronas of history were in form of comic strips a la Chandamama or Amar Chitra Katha (remember?)

Cut to some European country. A young boy (Aditya played by Abhishek) is having frightening dream. He complains his Aunt about it who is sleeping with her husband and beloved son. Any resemblance so far to Harry Potter, Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Dudley is purely intentional. Aunt ridicules Aditya and shoos him away. Aditya also called as Slow motion ki aulad by his foster mother is very disturbed and whiles his time by looking out of the window. Comes a flying object which is blue in color. The boy is too naïve to shout ‘UFO, UFO’ so gives a sheepish smile. The object lands on his stretched palm and voila it’s a petal.

Another scene. The most hideous scoundrel of all time Riz Raizada (Kay Kay Menon) with a Mohican-Cum-Tower-styled hair and 2 irritating puppets in tow makes his own clone and straight away kills the clone. I am still interpreting why? He wishes to get hold of the Amrit so that he can be Amar forever but not before destroying the world. And you were thinking Big Bang Theory will end the world. Sigh!!! Anyways, so this Amrit ka secret is only with Drona. Riz has killed the earlier Drona and is in a lookout for the heir.

Next scene. The morose Slow motion ki aulad is now a young man with unkempt, grumpy look and hands in pocket (always). The petal still floats around him. It’s his birthday and he goes to see the great magician Riz Raizada performing in neighborhood. One look at Aditya and Riz knows that this gloomy man is Drona. He sends his army (death-eaters) behind him. Death-Eaters? I told you, any resemblance to Harry Potter is intentional. Ok, so death-eaters chase Aditya.

Enters turban woman (Sonia played by Priyanka Chopra) who saves Aditya. He is baffled. She narrates the history, geography and biology of who-he-is and what-he-is ending the story with an orgasmic look on her face. He maintains same expression. Death-eaters reappear. This time she saves him by speeding up in a race car. Any resemblance of high-octane car chase to ‘Fast and Furious’ is intentional too. Soon the death-eaters catch the duo and each death-eater pulls out a sword. SWORD??? You got the best race car for the chase and you pull out sword to fight? Whatever happened to the guns…??? So, Sonia madam pulls out knives from every corner of her body and fights back. Abhishek (who is still baffled with happenings around) suddenly realizes he is supposed to be the man wearing pants and gets strength from nowhere and throws a big iron gate towards the villains killing them at instant. Sonia Madam is amused, smiles a Kodak moment. *Click* and that’s her second orgasmic look.

30 minutes into the movie and bingo; Drona is everything I mentioned above. It was turning out to be extremely entertaining and was giving a tough competition to RGV Ki Aag and not to forget the profound logic that went into everything so far in the movie. I eased myself in the seat beaming to myself, ‘Abhi toh shuruaat huii hai’.

Pronto, I was in for another surprise. The movie takes us to some rural India (I think it was Rajasthan) where a mother (Jaya marathi-nahi-aati Bachchan) suddenly feels some kind of air touching her that tells her in the language which now I know only she understands that her santaan has returned. She started this conversations-with-air in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham and is continuing the trend. She comes out, sees her santaan from terrace and soon breaks into a song (keeping up the KKKG trend, you see). Mother B explains to Son B why she abandoned him and the entire flashback happens in form of comic strips. Mr. Director seems to be very fascinated with that idea. After mother stops the boring kahaani Riz appears and turns the mother into a statue. THANK GOD. Her mumbles were getting too much to bear.

Drona has all the secrets unraveled now. All he needs to do is find the way to get hold of ‘Horse’, ‘Sword’ and finally ‘Amrit’. The horse is described as something untamed so far which only Drona can tame. And when you see that untamed horse you will know that even Rajpal Yadav could have easily tamed it. The trail to find the sword goes through series of illogical puzzles. One moment is worth mentioning where they (Aditya and Sonia) are stuck as the clue says ‘Drona ki parchhai (shadow)’ something. They take ages to decode that. Aditya then slowly turns and says, “Tum Sonia. Tum ho meri Prachhai’. At this, Sonia Madam looks at him and gives another orgasmic moment to us. What a scene!!!

And after many such profound and thoughtful scenes/moments/dialogues, Riz is closer to getting the ‘Amrit’ after stabbing knife in Drona’s stomach. The blood falls on the barren land and follows a path and soon the barren land is blessed with greenery and day becomes night. The door to the ‘Amrit’ is visible and Riz gallops his horse towards it. Drona is still unconscious (not dead, how can he still be? think profoundly). Riz is running away and is now very close to the ‘Amrit’. Drona wakes up at that very moment, gets up with head hanging down and stands in that pose for 2 minutes. He then raises his head and voila there is a fierce in his eyes. The eye color has changed. It’s no blacker. It’s not remotely human. It’s silver, no, it’s all white, whatever but it’s scary for sure. Super-heroes aren’t supposed to flaunt that eye color Mr. Director. That’s for Zombies or vampires for your information. Riz is getting closer to ‘Amrit’. Drona is furious. He raises his right hand up in the air, makes a fist and Dhadaam. There goes the feeblest punch on the face of earth but earth gets circular waves and the waves start spreading. Waves reach the running Riz and he falls. Yes, he falls. A ripple from earth caused because of Drona’s punch make a running horse and a man on top of it fall. Wow!!! Hail to Goldie Behl. He is genius. Riz dies Drona wins. But that’s not the end.

Not shown how many years later but Drona is seen along with his now lively mother, without-turban wife and a son. Son goes to sleep and there is a look-alike of death-eater outside his room. The movie ends, you know what it means? It means our intelligent director is coming up with sequel soon. A SEQUEL??? I am off to enter a line in my will warning my offspring to stay away from anything that sounds Drona.

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The Tag
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I was tagged by Vicky. And I went for this without two thoughts as this was on movies. A pretty easy and neat.

1. Name five of your all time favorite movies.

Hindi Ones:
Arth
Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron
Masoom (old)
Maqbool
Black Friday


English Ones:
Casablanca
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Motorcycle Diaries
Scent of a Woman
Schindler’s List

2. Name one movie which you recommend as a "must see".
Life Is Beautiful

3. One and only one movie that you have seen many times. [Watching on TV won’t count]
Rock On (The movie which I have seen more than 2 times in theater; for various reasons though)

4. Which movie comes to your mind when I say funniest?
Shoot the Piano Player (French)

5. Which movie(s) made you really emotional?
The Lives of Others (German) and How Green Was My Valley (English)

6. Which movie series was as interesting as the first part?
Godfather Series (Without any doubt)

7. Which movie didn’t, according to you, live up to your expectations?
The Da Vinci Code.

8. Which movie surprised you?
13 Tzameti (French)


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The Rant
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A quick look at the movies I saw over the weekend.

The Wizard of Oz: (1939)
Supposedly second in the list of Top 5 Hollywood Movies (Classic) of all time, the movie is a musical and fantasy film. The story is about an Orphan Dorothy (Judy Garland). Her dog Toto once bit a certain Miss Gulch who gets an order from court to take the dog away. The dog any how runs back to Dorothy upon which she decides to run away from the village. And there starts a fun journey wherein a coward lion, a scarecrow, a tin man join her. I find the movie just about ok. I wanted to watch this as now only 1 movie is left to be seen out of that list. That it is in top 5 of all time classic is actually attributed to the fact that the movie was hugely loved when shown as TV series as it was not very commercially hit when released.

Rating – 3 n half

Gentleman’s Agreement: (1947)
Gregory Peck stars in this drama as a Journalist who wishes to unravel the Anti-Semitism (resentment against Jews) outlook by posing himself as a Jew. What he unearths upsets him a great deal. As a Jew, he realizes to what extent people actually go and the hostility doesn’t stop at the work. His fiancée too is in tight spot concerning all this hara-kiri.

Rating – 3 n half

Roman Holiday: (1953)
I have always ranted (whenever given prospect) of my love for Audrey Hepburn so much so that I started digging for all her movies after I watched Breakfast At Tiffany’s, but her debut movie (Roman Holiday) always eluded me. And the fact that it had my other favorite Gregory Peck made me restless beyond control. I got it through a friend finally. Audrey went on to win Academy Award in her debut film where she portrayed a role of Royal Princess. Rome is the last destination on her tour of European cities. Upon reaching there, she runs away from her palace and roams around the street of Rome as a commoner. She meets a Journalist (Gregory as a Journalist yet again) and falls in love. But beware; the climax is not what our Bollywood guys would have made out of such story.

Rating – 4

Chariots of Fire: (1981)
The story based in year 1924 talks of 5 athletes preparing for upcoming Olympics. Zero down and you have two protagonists who are aiming for the 100 meter Gold. One of them is Jewish who would go to any extent to prove his detractors wrong and other is Christian who would not run on Sunday as running on Sabbath (religious day of rest) is sacrilege.

Rating – 4

So, I had a very interesting fortnight.

So, I watched A Wednesday and The Last Lear. And I was disappointed with the later. ‘A Wednesday’ was a good attempt for a debutante, so I would ignore couple of flaws but ‘The Last Lear’ was a lot disappointing. Btw, an interesting article about ‘A Wednesday’ here.

Now coming to TLL, Why do our actors fake their accent whenever they act in an English language movie? By accent I don’t mean they put on Brit or Yankee or any other accent. It looks our actors are speaking forced English. They are very good at the language but there is something insanely foolish about the way they mouth the dialogues, it is a big put off. Watch Divya Dutta to know what I mean. And critics are going gaga over her. Shefali Shah suddenly takes a spin in her mind when she is asked to do an English film. She becomes a totally different person. Her whole body language suggests ‘I am the Queen’. Watch any of her English movies (including 15 Park Avenue) and you will know what I mean. She is a good actor but I prefer Shefali of Satya any day. Preity, Amitabh and Arjun were just about ok. There was nothing amazingly awesome about them and same goes for the script. Ghosh and Arindham created much hype and hoopla which Neeraj ‘Wednesday’ Pandey did not and ultimately grabbed all accolades and also got his movie short listed in top 5 contenders to be sent for Oscars. So, that made TZP a winner. Would Aamir nail it this time? I wonder. I doubt actually.

I do not fathom why but TZP always reminds me of ‘Bacheha-Ye-Aseman’ (Iranian) film which I saw once again this week. From BYA (later dubbed in English as ‘Children of Heaven’) which won the Best Foreign Language Film at Oscars in 1998 till ‘Leben Der Anderen, Das’ (German; dubbed in English as ‘The Lives of Others’) which won Best Foreign Language Film in 2007 each and every movie was class apart in their own way and TZP is no where closer to any of those. So, I question what likelihood TZP has got now?


So, I bumped into both current and previous ex-lovers (were we??) of mine. How interesting (of course, at different locations and occasions). Ok, before that, a suggestion. Unless you are sure of how things are going in relation, never ever take your date to you favorite hang-outs. NEVER. Once you guys have things talked and all going smooth, take wherever you want. But, before that strictly no. So, what was she (current ex) doing there with a random guy? I am not too uncomfortable in such situations to be honest and can handle it quite well. However, what pinched me was ‘I brought you here once and that was your first time here and it's my favorite you are aware. Go, somewhere else please'. But, It’s not my baap-ka-place in first place. Anyway, so I massaged my ego thinking, ‘Ah, probably she had inkling I would visit the place so she was just dying to have a look at me’. Whoo!!! Whoo!!! Worked.

The previous ex crossed my path at Multiplex. I was going for ‘Rock On!!' and she was coming out after watching it. “What’s with the hair”? She exclaimed. What right she has to make a cry of it? “Well nothing, it’s my new style and punk coloring I went for this time, something other than burgundy”. I said remembering she had always suggested burgundy for my hair in our togetherness days. “Eeewww, It’s not done”. She always reminded me of Janice of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and it had taken me some time to forget her ‘Eeewwws’. “And what’s that goatee thingy without mush”? She continued. “Its Ramadan days so I thought this would be appropriate look”. What was I thinking when I said that? She asked, “What”? "Nothing, catch you later. Tata. Ciao".

So, she was the one I referred in the tag when I said I was trying to kill but she escaped.

So, nowadays I don’t like crowds, I prefer to stay away. There were times when my presence was felt in a crowd. It’s the same now, just that more than speaking much, I am speaking sense now. And when I don’t think I can contribute, I prefer keeping my trap shut. They feel I am depressed these days. I feel I am beginning to realize things. Don’t take anything at face value anymore.

Then when someone asked me about the number of friends I had, I would quote a 3 digit figure! Now the number doesn’t go beyond 3 fingers. It’s not that I've lost them; I’ve realized what 'Being Friends' is all about. Though the people who matter have come down, the extent to which I can go for them has increased by infinite times.

They feel I've become more serious. I feel I've grown. Finally, I have started mattering to me. I am slip sliding on the continuum.

So, three wonderful ladies presented me with some random awards on blogger. Preeti gave me ‘Thoughtful Blog Reader’ award. Reema presented me with ‘Certified Honest Blogger’ award. And lastly, Avdi honored me with ‘Brillante Weblog’ award here and wrote some nice words for me. I am eternally appreciative to all three of you. And before I forget I need to pass on these.

So, here I go:

Thoughtful Blog Reader to Vimmuuu, Preeti and Reema.

Certified Honest Blogger to Mystique Dew and Avdi

Brillante Weblog to Vicky and Smita.

So, I rambled big time here. I cannot write daily so whenever I get time I prefer saying the most. And yes, I rambled on Bollywood here. So, that means I won’t be using my other blog for Bolly rant. Guess I am too lazy to maintain more than one. Peace.

Ain’t you guys tired of reading numerous posts on this tag? I am. If you too are, then stop reading right away and visit when I write my next. :) No offenses.

I remember, (few of you might too) I (along with my twin brother) was pulled in many times to play ghar-ghar by my sister. Sister’s saheli and my brother were always first selection for Maa-Papa; I was their child and Sister played teacher and I was to do all the tasks every time whilst they all sat and just ordered. Anyways, that was long time ago. After some gazillion years I feel the same. Vimmuuu and Anniyan sat and just ordered. I acted ignorant but I wasn’t to be spared. So here I go and play tag-tag this time.


1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Well, I almost killed one in past (last minute savior popped up from nowhere). Next time, I will be a lot faster.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
I wish to appear on any famous magazine along with Uma Thurman (of course, semi-nude).

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
Raj Thackeray.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
I will give a part to Rakhi Sawant so that this time at least she goes under the blade entirely and gets her assets and assortments in proportion. I don’t know what I will do with the rest.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Yeah, it happened once. And now, no. I will never. I can for sure say it’s good to fall in love and then become good friends (in my case at least).

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
???? If you ask the same question to my partner and suppose we both reply ‘loving someone’ then what would you call it? How would you reach any conclusion?

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
A week or two. Ok, 3 weeks max.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Ah, lovely situation. Well, no issues. Let her be attached. I will attach myself too.

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
Oh, I always act. I mean at least half of the times in the beginning of dating. Don’t we all? Oh, you mean in theater/movies and all that jazz. Well, anyone except Rakhi Sawant. I adore her too much to be seen in the same frame. She is my idol.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Wrong mix in my Rum/Whiskey.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
I had no answer to this when I was filling the slam books of my friends in school exactly ten years ago to this year and I do not have it now. Or may be I would be responding to this question somewhere once again ten years from now as the trend seems to suggest.

12. What’s your fear?
Rakhi Sawant proposing me. I mean who in right sense would say no to something as raunchy as her. Come on, she is my idol and let me be like Meera and do idol worship.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
God only knows. Or maybe God too doesn’t. :)

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and ANYTHING (poor or rich doesn’t matter)

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
I thank my stars that I did not wake up next to my idol.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
I would give just what is needed.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Ah, another lovely situation. I like such situations. I would pick both if they are ready to live in harmony. We all can live like a nice family a la those in K serials or K-Jo movies.


18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
I will try to strangle them once. If I fail, I would forgive and forget..

19. Your favorite pick up line (Original Question: What are your three most important expectations in love?)
Nice dress, how about a fuck?

20. List 6 people to tag:
I guess by now almost everyone is either tagged or got bored of reading it. So I tag none in particular.

‘We want work’, ‘We are widows’, and ‘We are not political’. Few burqa clad women chant this and display it on placard while taking out a rebellion on the Taliban ruled streets of Afghanistan one day. A young boy Espandi (Arif Herati) is shown smoldering away the curses and asking for a dollar from the firang journalist who is filming this procession. A woman, name not known (Khwaja Nader) accompanied by her daughter, name not known (Marina Golbahari) are on their way to hospital where the mother works as nurse. Suddenly Taliban strikes and procession goes violent. Woman, her daughter and Espandi take protection in a house. The girl unhurriedly peeps through the door ajar. Her misty eyes see the brutalities of Taliban and tears roll down her cheek.

Soon the mother-daughter duo get to know that they are rendered penniless as the Taliban has closed down the hospital. At home in night whilst cooking the meal mother breaks down and longs for a man in family who could support them as her husband and brother had died in Russian war. She then blights looking at her daughter, ’wish I had boy’. The third female in the family, the grandmother is arranging the young girl’s hair into neat braid and narrates a bed time story to her as how passing under ‘Rainbow’ can make boy a girl and girl a boy. Granny suggests the mother to cut the girl’s hair, make her don her father’s clothes so that she can be passed as a boy and can earn a living outside. The girl objects but this is the last resort left to the destitute family.

Upon being disposed to work in a tea shop, the ordeal starts for the girl. She is continually terrified at the thought that her secret will be out any moment and walks to work and back home in constant fear. The words spoken are less but those scenes are well shot as the fear shown on the face of girl is to feel sorry for. She emotes marvelously through her eyes. Espandi, the boy who had seen her before recognizes her in an instant but settles to keep it a secret in exchange of few dimes.

The tribulation for her is never ending, what with few doubting eyes following her once till her home and furthermore when the owner of tea shop takes her to a mosque full of men to pray. But the vital one is when she along with all the boys is taken confined by Taliban to religious school so that young boys can be trained for the war. There amidst all boys she tries hard to behave like a boy but in vain and is soon being called a nymph by all including the Mullah who teaches them the ablutions to be performed by male to conquer the wet dreams apart from Koran. Her feminine looks and behavior could not be hidden and all boys start teasing her. Espandi comes to her rescue when few ask her to drop her Pyajama so that they can be sure she indeed is a boy. Espandi chases the other boys away and when few ask for her name christens her ‘Osama’.

Espandi comes to her rescue other times too but even he could not do much when her true identity is revealed in one of the most disturbing scenes I have ever seen. Espandi sees her and cries helplessly whilst she is chased by all in the confined walls of school. She is taken captive and is sent for a trial.

Without disclosing what happens next, the film definitely doesn’t end on a happy note. It is a dark cinema where each frame of it can melt any heart. The protagonist Osama (Marina) and all other characters are real and picked from the streets of Kabul. Marina herself was a beggar when director spotted her and took her in his film (Source Wikipedia).

When I chanced upon this movie by sheer luck (no one had recommended me; my DVDs rental-wala told me to take it as many were hiring this from him), I had no idea that this movie was hugely acclaimed and had won many awards. I also had no clue that the actors were picked from real life. After watching the movie and doing some random search on web I saw it again and felt the same heaviness in the heart which I had experienced before. We all know how a particular scene or a sequence can bring a lump in the throat but what would you call a movie where you have bulge and the lump throughout. I would call it a masterpiece.

Director Siddiq Barmark can be without doubt termed a genius as it takes humongous guts and effort to make immature or call it amateur actors enact the psyche of people from a war-trodden places. The editing is top class and could not get better. The poor and tattered neighborhood is captured in a basic way and as the film is shot in real locations gives it an intact look. Screenplay at times looks cut to short as per expectation but you soon realize it is intentional.

The film not for once looks off track or displays any irrational angle to it in its 80-odd minutes of running. Few scenes that need special mention here are:

When the girl after her hair being chopped off plants one of the braids in the mud-pot and waters it in the night in hope it never ceases to grow.

Women are singing and dancing as there is a marriage in the neighborhood but soon Taliban barges in upon hearing the clatter. Women speedily assemble and start crying pretending there is mourning and not a celebration. Pheew. What a pity.

The first time when the girl steps out of her house as boy and walks the street, she is scared stiff and alarmed at every step. You can experience her misfortune.

Famous musician, philosopher and physician Albert Schweitzer said this, “Reverence for Life affords me my fundamental principle of morality, namely, that good consists in maintaining, assisting, and enhancing life and that to destroy, harm, or to hinder life is evil.”

However people of Afghanistan and of other war-torn countries do not have any such fundamental principle or in my opinion are not even aware that ‘to-live’ is their fundamental right. These countries in Middle East face varied problems of either terrorism or of dominion or both but when it comes to women, they all stand alike. Women in these countries are nothing but an object of lust, fruit-bearer and not even that if they do not have a man in their lives.

How a woman supposed to earn a living if she cannot step out without a male companion related by blood and she doesn’t have any male left in family after losing them to war or terrorism?

P.S. And you probably thought this might have got to do with Osama Bin Laden. Sigh!!!

I became single all over again, thanks to me and thanks to the stars shining down. So, now please do not come to conclusion and start hurting my self-less inner something by saying “Huh, so what if he wrote on Impressing fairer sex”.

So, I was saying I am single all over again and I am on a hunt. And my hormones are driving me up the wall and ceiling, everything unworthy of climbing upon. And needless to say, I have been ruthless in my quest so far. They say it is easy to impress a man than to the fairer sex, I beg to differ. They say all men need is an opening and all women need is a huge long list with TDH factor on top of the list plus clean-shaven, witty, humorous, should love her dog & bitches and her folks (the order depends on her) and blah blah. I beg to differ once again. Few of us are looking for more than an opening

So, now I am going to say what went wrong this time. She was so gloomy that even cheerful Sunday afternoon got depressing within 3 minutes of her silent presence (absence for me). As if I care much, but something as sexy as her was glum worried me. What about the evening and night after the gloomy noon lemonade my inner something said. So, I took her hand which was toying the front hair and tried to be unadulterated in sounding what-happened-to-my-lovey-dovey-baby. I succeeded nonetheless. What I got to know was that her ex from whom she had separated some 3 months back had sanctimoniously mentioned to her 3 months back while breaking up that his obvious interest in her was nothing more than a physical draw. I promptly withdrew my hand from her and folded it between my legs underneath table. That helped. And at the same time appreciated her ex’s interest. The guy had taste like me. And the next thing which popped up in my mind was why something which happened 3 months back is spoiling her mood which now by that time had assured me would definitely spoil the eventful evening and night.

She was witty and nice and that is why I was seeing her. I find it absurd that a woman can actually have this sight of how sexy she is and held that against her. I found it even more absurd when during the night while lounging in a night club, two healthy heterosexual people sitting over nicely made alcoholic concoction, in a favorable environment of a dark corner had something else in their minds. Me: why is she thinking of what that ex jerk said something which was actually true and she: still pondering over did he mean that? Guffaw. The very idea of going out for a drink opens exciting possibilities for me. Will she be coy? Will she be a bashful repartee to my overtures? Or will she let her loose so that I can take a good care of her? Will she mind my ogling which gets piercing potential couple of drinks down? But there was nothing of that sort happening. Now how much can you give in yourself without getting anything out of it. I still maintain I am self-less but this self-less, excuse me. Get hold of someone else then.

So, in that moment of bizarre histrionics I said the same her ex had once supposedly said. I said the same. All hell broke loose. And I surprised myself by saying if she wants to get out of it she can (my inner something scolded me one last time), but that was that. All I remember next was she walked out on me but that is not to be remembered as her walk itself was one to die for, it was that VBS thing which flashed like a lightening to my drunken eyes. Whoa!!!

Was that intentional? Till that time I had not noticed that thing coming out. For that matter I had not noticed VBS in our history of 7 dates so far. Anyways how does that matter now. That moment I saw that VBS and I was for the first time happy. VBS can be a big put off for us, u bet me. For uninitiated, Visual Bra Strip (VBS) is fashionable, but then please make an effort in choosing a bra color. Do we men or any of your more sensible women friends have to point out that a dark colored bra under light colored clothing is a crime?

Not that I dropped her for this faux pas or something like that, she chose to. And I happily respect that now. Thank you, nice to meet you. I value my sanity too much to be with you. And there is good in the world. Go smell some flowers, get spiritual but do not come back to me and for heaven’s sake do not talk of me to your next beau.

I wonder why? Why women talk of her past to their present? So I am done with it but I am still hunting. Now all I am waiting for is a real her? Will the real she please stand up or lie down? I am already.

Disclaimer: After reading couple of posts by Nikhil hinting to 'What a man wants' and 'Bay of Pigs', I thought of coming with my own version. A kinda continuation to Nikhil's ramblings and sorta dedication to his posts on similar lines.

Question for the ladies here. When was the last time you watched/observed/interacted with a male and felt a throbbing gasp arising within your heart, your half-opened lips gave a pulsating sigh (which of course meant take-me-home tonight), or you had full mind to tear apart your hair or dress? Oh, you taking this long to answer? Never mind. I will lend a hand answering it. A long ago or in few cases never. I m not amused and surprised. As they say they aren’t making those kinds these days. Now it’s all about meet & delete or one night Sits. (a la Mumbai Salsa)

Question for the gentleman here. Did you ever make that happen to any lady? If yes, hats off. If not, read on.

Hard work never harmed anyone and nor did good manners. Good manners are nothing but a general sense of not pissing off the opposite sex complimented with a common sense of clear politeness. Holding door open and rising when lady gets up is all thing of past and so dead now. So now you must be wondering what it is then if not being a typical gentleman. It’s all about your gestures and your seduction style. Suggestive gestures it is all about my dear friend. I know few who still live in the age of queens and look for mannerisms of kings in their men. Fair enough. Hope they get those kinds who would be doing that all their life. But as the topic here is just about impressing women, why should I be talking of impressing any women as if I will be marrying them. Let them first get impressed and things will follow.

So, now at least you would have guessed what I am trying to say here. Dudes, friends, and guys it’s not all that cumbersome it looks. Those taught to death stuff of poetry and chocolate are just in their mind and varies from girl to girl these days. TDH is no more the prime requirement, remembering the names of all her dogs and family members is downright considered invasion of privacy. All they want is someone who can do something which makes them get faint

Walk into a gathering, settle with a glass of chosen beverage (should be pure alcohol if the place demands so, do not go for cocktails/mocktails) and survey the scene to unleash your indicative gestures. Note down few points here:

· Do not get slipshod drunk: if you won’t be in position to locate your own vitals in if-all-goes-well situation how will you locate theirs?

· Do not be I-am-such-a-cool one: If you are into yourself a lot then god only save you.

· Do not stare: stop pretending your eyes possess see-through capabilities.

Be relaxed, just one drink down one and someone who is not gazing at their throat (you will get to gaze at lot more if all goes well). Once you have the subject chosen, focus on her as whole. Women are much more gifted at getting hints than us.

If on a date (doesn’t matter pre-decided or blind), do not ever go by the rule book and do not come up with the regular stuff of first giving flowers, then trying hard to make polite conversation (read trying hard to avoid sexual talks), insisting on footing the bill, dropping her home and giving a peck on the cheek types of nowadays-considered-useless-and-waste-of-time activities. Surprise her instead with something random and inventive stuff. If already met then do something out of blue which she would never have expected. Instead of memorizing the rules think what you are good at, could be anything and do that. Instead of done to death bits and pieces, come up with a matter where her interest lies. Of course you should know her interest as I said you have already met her. If on a blind date, go by the instinct or leave all to her. Do not bother at all in that case. Be at home and let dear mama get you a nice homely one. Come on, if you do not have a good sense of startling, take help.

Now no matter what do not be late which ever type of category you fall into concerning above. They sometimes, ah no most of the times are hard-to-get types. Even if they are not they pretend. Arrey, something should be there to rant about yaar in the next gossip meeting with other girlfriends. And trust me she will be gladder to say that I ditched cuz he was late, no matter if you are next Al Pacino to grace the face of earth.

Those were the situations where either you were on a hooking spree or dating someone. Mull over now hows and whats of general standing situation. This could be anything. You can bump into your old crush or someone who just shifted into your neighborhood or she just got introduced to you through a common friend. I mean any kind of open, sudden, or common situation.

Smell nice always. Yes I said ‘always’. No matter how good those flowers smell which some of you still might decide to carry, if your body odor cannot be differentiated from that of the drainage then you should be banned from making a public appearance of any kind. If muscular, put some brains in those muscles and for god sake do not try to put accented English if you just happen to return from foreign land.

Do not go on ranting of richness of any kind you possess. Listen intently but do not be of adjusting types if she turns out to be the talking-non-stop-nonsense types. We do respect and value feminism but to an extent and then after all what is this equality all about? Is not a date or whatever that follows supposed to be a mutual one? Should not that be pleasant to both parties involved? Not that you are doing some kind of favor to us by letting yourself go out with us upon asking. Even you want to have same amount of fun which we are looking for. Apparently it was you who tempted poor Adam to lose his abode in Eden, and his virginity. I am not sponsoring remorse free sex here but I am also not denying the fact which is when it comes to that we all want to have (s)experience of all kinds.

Now one of those situations wherein you just happen to see each other much better only after hitting the bed. Mind you I am still not discussing what this topic in initial look seems. It’s just about impressing women and this situation could be one, more so in current scheme of life we all live. Yea, so I was saying you both are there and needless I say we all men have this tendency of overriding and showcasing the ever-going strength of our libido. No matter what, do not get caught without the rubber. One, two or zillion drinks down we all men have this hunch of things-about-to-happen and you still turn out a jackass by not carrying it. Forget the morning-after-pill which she in that or in any case might have to pop up but what on earth are you trying to prove? It certainly would make an impact if you carry it. She might forgive you for not carrying it in that moment of heat and passion but what possibly could have been a second meeting is definitely a foregone reality for sure. And dare I say about the importance of foreplay before following the big O (as they say in novels) and much more importance of the instant just after the successful follow-up. That matters too. Do not behave like someone who has OCD of heading straight to the bathroom to fresh up. In this type of scenario or for that matter any such scenario where sex plays an important part when it comes to impressing all three sub parts namely foreplay, the intimate chase of big O and the moment after are equally important.