Impressing fairer sex  

Posted by Vee

Disclaimer: After reading couple of posts by Nikhil hinting to 'What a man wants' and 'Bay of Pigs', I thought of coming with my own version. A kinda continuation to Nikhil's ramblings and sorta dedication to his posts on similar lines.

Question for the ladies here. When was the last time you watched/observed/interacted with a male and felt a throbbing gasp arising within your heart, your half-opened lips gave a pulsating sigh (which of course meant take-me-home tonight), or you had full mind to tear apart your hair or dress? Oh, you taking this long to answer? Never mind. I will lend a hand answering it. A long ago or in few cases never. I m not amused and surprised. As they say they aren’t making those kinds these days. Now it’s all about meet & delete or one night Sits. (a la Mumbai Salsa)

Question for the gentleman here. Did you ever make that happen to any lady? If yes, hats off. If not, read on.

Hard work never harmed anyone and nor did good manners. Good manners are nothing but a general sense of not pissing off the opposite sex complimented with a common sense of clear politeness. Holding door open and rising when lady gets up is all thing of past and so dead now. So now you must be wondering what it is then if not being a typical gentleman. It’s all about your gestures and your seduction style. Suggestive gestures it is all about my dear friend. I know few who still live in the age of queens and look for mannerisms of kings in their men. Fair enough. Hope they get those kinds who would be doing that all their life. But as the topic here is just about impressing women, why should I be talking of impressing any women as if I will be marrying them. Let them first get impressed and things will follow.

So, now at least you would have guessed what I am trying to say here. Dudes, friends, and guys it’s not all that cumbersome it looks. Those taught to death stuff of poetry and chocolate are just in their mind and varies from girl to girl these days. TDH is no more the prime requirement, remembering the names of all her dogs and family members is downright considered invasion of privacy. All they want is someone who can do something which makes them get faint

Walk into a gathering, settle with a glass of chosen beverage (should be pure alcohol if the place demands so, do not go for cocktails/mocktails) and survey the scene to unleash your indicative gestures. Note down few points here:

· Do not get slipshod drunk: if you won’t be in position to locate your own vitals in if-all-goes-well situation how will you locate theirs?

· Do not be I-am-such-a-cool one: If you are into yourself a lot then god only save you.

· Do not stare: stop pretending your eyes possess see-through capabilities.

Be relaxed, just one drink down one and someone who is not gazing at their throat (you will get to gaze at lot more if all goes well). Once you have the subject chosen, focus on her as whole. Women are much more gifted at getting hints than us.

If on a date (doesn’t matter pre-decided or blind), do not ever go by the rule book and do not come up with the regular stuff of first giving flowers, then trying hard to make polite conversation (read trying hard to avoid sexual talks), insisting on footing the bill, dropping her home and giving a peck on the cheek types of nowadays-considered-useless-and-waste-of-time activities. Surprise her instead with something random and inventive stuff. If already met then do something out of blue which she would never have expected. Instead of memorizing the rules think what you are good at, could be anything and do that. Instead of done to death bits and pieces, come up with a matter where her interest lies. Of course you should know her interest as I said you have already met her. If on a blind date, go by the instinct or leave all to her. Do not bother at all in that case. Be at home and let dear mama get you a nice homely one. Come on, if you do not have a good sense of startling, take help.

Now no matter what do not be late which ever type of category you fall into concerning above. They sometimes, ah no most of the times are hard-to-get types. Even if they are not they pretend. Arrey, something should be there to rant about yaar in the next gossip meeting with other girlfriends. And trust me she will be gladder to say that I ditched cuz he was late, no matter if you are next Al Pacino to grace the face of earth.

Those were the situations where either you were on a hooking spree or dating someone. Mull over now hows and whats of general standing situation. This could be anything. You can bump into your old crush or someone who just shifted into your neighborhood or she just got introduced to you through a common friend. I mean any kind of open, sudden, or common situation.

Smell nice always. Yes I said ‘always’. No matter how good those flowers smell which some of you still might decide to carry, if your body odor cannot be differentiated from that of the drainage then you should be banned from making a public appearance of any kind. If muscular, put some brains in those muscles and for god sake do not try to put accented English if you just happen to return from foreign land.

Do not go on ranting of richness of any kind you possess. Listen intently but do not be of adjusting types if she turns out to be the talking-non-stop-nonsense types. We do respect and value feminism but to an extent and then after all what is this equality all about? Is not a date or whatever that follows supposed to be a mutual one? Should not that be pleasant to both parties involved? Not that you are doing some kind of favor to us by letting yourself go out with us upon asking. Even you want to have same amount of fun which we are looking for. Apparently it was you who tempted poor Adam to lose his abode in Eden, and his virginity. I am not sponsoring remorse free sex here but I am also not denying the fact which is when it comes to that we all want to have (s)experience of all kinds.

Now one of those situations wherein you just happen to see each other much better only after hitting the bed. Mind you I am still not discussing what this topic in initial look seems. It’s just about impressing women and this situation could be one, more so in current scheme of life we all live. Yea, so I was saying you both are there and needless I say we all men have this tendency of overriding and showcasing the ever-going strength of our libido. No matter what, do not get caught without the rubber. One, two or zillion drinks down we all men have this hunch of things-about-to-happen and you still turn out a jackass by not carrying it. Forget the morning-after-pill which she in that or in any case might have to pop up but what on earth are you trying to prove? It certainly would make an impact if you carry it. She might forgive you for not carrying it in that moment of heat and passion but what possibly could have been a second meeting is definitely a foregone reality for sure. And dare I say about the importance of foreplay before following the big O (as they say in novels) and much more importance of the instant just after the successful follow-up. That matters too. Do not behave like someone who has OCD of heading straight to the bathroom to fresh up. In this type of scenario or for that matter any such scenario where sex plays an important part when it comes to impressing all three sub parts namely foreplay, the intimate chase of big O and the moment after are equally important.

So that is that. Now go out, venture out, play your card and come out winner and let them faint dead because they could not for one minute stand how amazingly elegant, utterly appetizing you were in ALL terms and conditions.

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 14, 2008 and is filed under . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .

33 Pointless but Viscous Comments.

Honored! Honored! :)
You've got some interesting pointers here, stuff that I'd overlooked.. I particularly liked the OCD part! :)
I once went out with a woman who constantly wiped her mouth with a bit of tissue paper! Being a greenpeace activist, I promptly ditched her! :)
Good post! Very interesting read! :)
Cheers! :)

Yep..I'll add some more

1. Don't talk ceaselessly about ur freaking job...Honestly not impressive however big a Vice President you are!

2. Don't drop names, thass extremely poor taste and very middle class.. So you know Rajiv Gandhi's distant auntie's cousin..SO????

3.Shut up sometimes, and flirt sometimes..:D
You definitely dont want us faint coz of acute headache..

I think this one post is gonna get plenty o'such pointers from us-Fairer-ones :D

lovely post:)

And we, the queer folk, are no short in dishing out comments either.

1. Simplest and the most important thing. Be yourself. Don't act.

2. Be comfortable. Smell good. Wear good.

3. Humor is always a virtue to have in dating situations.

4. Foreplay is so much more important that the 'O's and 'A's.

'Very funny and seriously insightful!' - Engayging Life

Smita  

*yawn*
*yawn*
*yawn*
*yawn*
*yawn*

@ Nikhil,

Acknowledged! :)

OCD can be a big put off I tell you.

Lol man @ ur girl with tissue. I thought that would be required only after *ahem ahem* u know wot I mean..:)

Thnx

@ MD,

1. Agree
2. Totally agree
3. Haha, true indeed

Comments from fairer sex are awaited. Lets see. And yea, thnx for those pointers. Much appreciated.

*wink wink*

@ Kris,

1. Yups
2. Smelling good is THE main factor.
3. Humor is good till the point its seriously funny, shud not turn out to be next rajpal yadav or johnny lever.
4. Bingo.. Very true. I saw a movie last weekend called 'Young People F***ing* and it showed the six stages of sex (applicable to all) It was kinda funny movie.

Thnx :)

@ Smita,
*yawning back*
*yawning back*
*yawning back*
*yawning back*

BTW, this thing that I put at the end of my comment wasn't meant to be self-promoting.

'Very funny and seriously insightful!' - Engayging Life

I wanted to sound like the Boston Globe or NY Times or something, reviewing your blog.

:P

Standing up for the ladies ;)

we appreciate it...or do we???

lolz

@ Reema,

Ahem, ok... (sigh)

@ Kris,

Ah, is it? Ok, having read that again I say u did sound. Rating pls, Lol

@ Angel,

Brave u..

Ain't u?

Lolz, small world

"All they want is someone who can do something which makes them get faint"

Does chloroform count?

Hah .. read something good and funny after a looooong time. Hey I am fair, and impressed.. so you scored there !!

Thing is all the adam-eve thing is so between two people. So what impresses eve may not impress jane. As you see S wasnt impressed but I was.

I like singers and jokers. Chivalrous men make me go weak in the knees. As long as they are all well doused in Deo, n have remembered to brush their teeth or been chewing gum or just gargled with alcohol.

Kris Bass.. I disagree with you.. I agree with oxy tht fore, while and aft are ALL important. The aft cuddling make a woman feel NOT USED. while is the THING after all. N Fore is required to set the mood.

Oxy.. U have the cd? Can I borrow.

@ Che,

Yups, counts if u have intentions of either keeping her mum or or or whateva... :)

@ Avdi,

Honored. Exactly and what David can do Steve might not.

Point taken of ur preferences.

Oh yes I can rent it to u, the only thing is right now I have it downloaded. I need to burn it in CD. Wait for it. U gotta be getting it soon.

zaroor waiting for it :) you have my updated address i hope

@ Avdi,

Yups, I got that updated...:)

Mr. Oxymoronic, you have just been felicitated.

Check this link out.

http://engayginglife.blogspot.com/2008/08/brilliante-weblog-award-winner.html

hmmmm oxy boyyy, you have some interesting points there. just when I thought I learned everything through Nikhil !!! Ok, be frank, have all these worked for you ?? Whats the hit ration buddy ?

@ KB,

Thank you..:)

@ Vimmuuu,

Lol.. No macha.. not all worked.. and these are not just my experiences.. some are after observing others too.. :)

Anonymous  

aha so oxy it is here eh. so be it ! ive not read the post yet so consider this a booking !! am sure ull understandwho this is?!!

hi oxy, consider this as another booking ! shall read and come bk

Lol, Yes Stallone I got u... :) Welcome.. and booking confirmed...:)

hehehehe! Nice tips there.... I still have chance, dont I?
Hubby darling, please read this :P

@ WIAN,

Yes, u still have!! Pass it to him...:)

@Oxy - Pretty neat! Damn you guys (Nik & you) are an intellectual lot!!

Thanks - will keep your post in mind :)

Nice points there. The 'not carrying rubber' thing brought up a really painful memory :)

@ RJ,

Lol... do that...

@ Avionic,

as they say, 'Dukhati rag pe haath rakh diya' ... samjha? Lol... so lesson is learnt, eh!!!

long one... but a worthy read indeed! i'm no love guru or the nextdoor romeo. but the bottom line of impressing the fairer sex is that make her feel important, comfortable, special, intelligent and all sort of things even if she's not.

This is my first visit to your blog. I wanted to visit from a long time but the post length put me off. But it was definitely worth the read. I would like to request you to go through one of my earliest posts Love: Boon or Bane. Adding you to my blogroll.

@ Su,

Even if she's not..hmm, I disagree to that... I am not saying do not pamper but only if she is worth being pampered... It's all about equality.

@ Pavan,

Is it? I am glad u did read it finally. Will check out ur post very soon. Thnx for the add.

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