Enough is Enough  

Posted by Vee

You can hardly find me in a fix. I have been reasonably unambiguous with respect to matters pertaining to me. But last few days surprised me too. For, I have been feeling very sturdy about few things.

Why ‘being yourself’ is absolute no-no?
How come speaking your mind is not welcomed and acknowledged?
How important is it to be courteous all the time?
Is it REALLY worth having certain people in your life who claim to love you and know you the most, which in its totality isn't so?

People whom I love and like have often made mistakes. I agree I am no saint. I made mistakes too. But how often can we allow them to do so? But how long can we tolerate? Can we still love and like someone even if they did something you loathe. I can’t. Is love all about ignoring each other’s mistakes and trying to be almond-coated all the time? Is there ‘Love’ in the first place?

Which takes me to territory called 'Marriage'

Nobody can guarantee that two persons will always be happy together, because people change. When you meet someone, she is one person, and you are one person. One year, two years, or five years down the line, she will be another person, and you will be another person. Now you have two alternatives, if you want you can cling on for the sake of promise you made to each other, though you both know very well you are not happy together. Or you can let go of each other.

The real understanding is when you do not promise for tomorrow. Who knows about tomorrow? Tomorrow may come, may not come. I am against marriage. But never sure till today why was I against it? Now I know why? How can I promise to be with her all the time? Tomorrow I may change, tomorrow she might change. I might find someone else with whom I fit more deeply. She might find somebody with whom she goes more sweetly. The world is vast. There are many alternatives. There are many doors to choose from. Then why exhaust all your options with one person. It is marriage that creates problems. It is marriage that has become very ugly. The most ugly institution in the world is marriage, because it forces people to be false. People change, but they go on pretending that they are same.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 04, 2008 and is filed under . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .

21 Pointless but Viscous Comments.

I am sorry but I disagree. I am not sure what exactly made you to write this post but what i sincerely feel is that we definitely need a someone who love you and know you most. Someone you can call your wife. Someone with whom you can share everything you want. You might be talking by your experiences or by your friends' experience of people changing in few years but there are exceptions everywhere. The word marriage is definitely scary but its surely not a horror movie...

Varun,

I respect your view buddy. Of course I too feel you need someone whom you can love and vice versa but then why bind any such relation with 'marriage' word. Two can happily be in love and still not married.

Oxy..

Everybody changes which includes our family as well..Cant trade them, can we?
At some point or the other we all get bored with one another.Ye jus gotto take some space and then come back

With all that if u and ur partner have moved apart completely..then hey better to quit and move on :)

WEll ,i can agree whit u in the first few paras..
being urslef is termed mostly as arrogant..
coming to ur second part..
i think marriage is more about mutual understanding ..i agree we cant tolerate each other's mistake..but i dont know what u mean by mistakes..
we change after 2 years..
marriage is all about understanding each other..when things cant go too long...and they become worse then the option divorce is already there..

Mystique Dew,

Exactly. Thats what I meant. Even i change and get bored with people damn soon. Online one works for me more than real ones.

Arvind,

Well mistakes could be of any nature. What I don want is to them to crib and point it out (cuz what they see as mistake might not be mistake as I see), anyways the bottom line is people bore me to death and these were just my views. I respect other's stand as well.

Buddy...u wudnt believe. I just had a fite wid my folks at home regarding this. They said im 27 and I need to get married. The pressure had been there from last year, but I ignored. Now its getting on my nerves. I am against marriage too; and like you, I dont know why! not becuz of any love failures, not becuz I think I cant adjust with a female.But why adjust in the first place?? Cant we take care of ourselves ? I have been doing that for the last 7 years.Probably you mite require someone when ur aged. But there are options for that as well, rt? Why be answerable to others? Why take up the additional responsibility when you already have a lot of them? Why the hell screw up happiness?

You don't want to marry? Then don't

A friend is irritating you? Chuck him/ her

There are always better things in life...always do what you feel is good, but yes always remember few things, u have a bunch of ppl related to you who get affected by actions & always be prepared for changes don't be stringent...

Jo karna hai karo, zyada sawal mat karo, na khud se na kisi aur se.....you won't get answers most of the time...

Baaki to just smile and enjoy buddy :) :) :) :) :) :)

Dude this argument is as old as the hills. People who want to chart their own way in the life have to put a fight for it. There are any number of people (relatives/friends/neighbours) who feel they own you. It is up to you to assert yourself. The more independent you are, the more capable of loving others you are.

gaur farmao !

Vimmuuu,

Ditto. I too am 27, been independent for 7 odd years. Don't want commitment, not now not when I am old. Period. Huh... Wonder when will things change.

S,

Yups. I have my own ways of venting out my frustration which these people force on me.. And I feel good after that.. hehe

Avdi,

Exactly. And they don't understand that the more they try to control the more we get detached from them and then later they say u r 'selfish', 'idiot' n what not.

we are treading on thin lines here! :)

its absolutely alright to do what you want, even if it means hurting others. but then we have to be ready to face the same! simple!

honesty is a double edged sword... you can never be happy by being brutally honest all the time and hurting other people.

thats what i live by...

what goes around, comes around! good and bad!

what gives me the right to kick someones self esteem or image because i HAVE to be honest! and outspoken!

both honesty and diplomacy have their own place!

everyone makes mistakes... we change and we move on. when we cant change beyond a point or accept lack of change, we give up!

there really isnt some major rocket science to it! :)

cheers!

abha

as for shaadi, you wont know till you have been in it! simple!

its very easy to sit outside the relationship and make judgements, isnt it?!

no one HAS to get married... but there comes a point in time when there is a person you cannot let go of... you just KNOW that its meant to be and you atke the plunge!

you change a little and your aprtner changes a little, and you both work on the marriage!

ofcos its a gamble, but if you win, with luck and loads of hardwork, there cannot be a bigger winner than you! :)

its the same thing about having kids! i wondered what the big deal is! now that i have Cubby, it IS a big deal! the joy that they bring can be matched only by the sttength of your marriage!

the debate about why not live in can go forever!

i dont judge! if live in it is, why not! whatever suits you!

but dont take the liberty of calling institute of marriage a failure because you just dont know what its all about!!

cheers!

abha

Sheeshhh 27 isnt old for a guy atleast!! Come one!! as for ur views on marriage each to his own.

p.s. added u to my blog roll.

Abha,

Hmm I quite feel you are right what you said (as per your views) and even though I try to refrain myself from using the worn out cliched 'Freedom of speech' and 'To each his own', I quite feel I am right in my own way and I know what I said is not just out of blue ramblings (as per my views.

Reema,

And so is not any other age as I feel. Be it late 20s or early 30s or late 30s or whatever.

P.S. Thnx :):)

quite true ... people want to follow the society and want to be bound by the rules ... and live that way only ... and some don't really bother about being just another rat in the race ... but anyway they are happy being so ... and life is all about finding happiness ...

@Oxy - Two points:

1. Be yourself and change for nothing

2. If you be yourself, you are not a changed persona dn your wofe after marriage will have no problems to live with a changed person. Same goes for her. *when there is one*

Btw, when did you turn philosophical? Darn!

onr thing that bothers human beings often is 'Change'. and its applicability to marriage is worth a discussion. the insecure feeling that u'll not get a partner who can adjust to you now or ever, whose changes and yours go hand in glove, is what bothers many of us today. so its appropriate to stay single if need be and heart screams so. Go for it buddy. Life can be enjoyed always. how u shud enjoy it is what u shud decide!

#Dev,

I pee @ such people and I am pretty sure I am not gonna be such rat...:) welcome to my space.

#RJ,

1. Of course

2. There won't be.. I am quite sure.

#Su,

Yups, I am quite sure of that. Not insecure of me, but fear the insecurity she would face..hehe

Its not the deep dark well that people talk about......:))...trust me :)

Also I totally agree with Mama Mia...both her points :)

Ps: ur also on my bog roll

Angel,

Yes, U r right and I am too..:)

P.S Thnx for the add and U r there in mine too now..

I don't know why I'm so 'tuned' into the gender-neutrality (or the lack of it) of posts these days. Hence, I disagree with the terms 'wife'/'woman' in the post. Similarly the 'she's as well.

I know you will think I'm paranoid. But the fact is that I myself am already in a relationship which is as good as marriage. Oh, I'm gay.

About the actual post; I just want to say that a relationship is hard work and a lot of toil. It is upto the persons involved in the relationship to decide what suits for them. For some it might be a marriage, for some it might be an open relationship. Some might not want to commit for even a small period. Some, like me, will want to carry this on for as long as possible.

Ergo, and in short, I disagree.

My Zimbio
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