Socha nahi tha Gandhi Jayanti day would turn out be a fun day. I happened to watch two amazing movies that I am sure will be termed 'Classic' in times to come.

I wrote the review of Drona for passionforcinema.com and as their policy suggests I cannot publish it anywhere until it's published with them. They take 5-7 days to decide if it's worth being published on their site. And today it got posted there. Click Here to read/rate it at passionforcinema [dot] com OR Read below.

Drona – A Groan (a)

All I wanted to do on my day off was catch Drona and Kidnap back to back. I saw few young girls coming out laughing and giggling after the noon show of Drona. Oh, girls usually do that whenever you bring in any super-hero. But, soon few middle aged people followed and they were all smiling and giggling too. Few to themselves and others in a loud growling fashion. I was confused. I had not read any review whatsoever of it anywhere. And people’s reaction intrigued me more. This usually is the case when the movie is supremely entertaining or devastatingly horrible or its RGV Ki Aag. I used to believe there is just good or bad cinema until I saw RGV Ki Aag. Yes, RGV Ki Aag is another category in itself.

I was getting restless by now and could not wait to unravel the mystery behind the laughs and guffaws.

Movie starts with a voiceover introduction of what you are about to see (go through). It gives a short synopsis of who-the-heck Dronas of history were in form of comic strips a la Chandamama or Amar Chitra Katha (remember?)

Cut to some European country. A young boy (Aditya played by Abhishek) is having frightening dream. He complains his Aunt about it who is sleeping with her husband and beloved son. Any resemblance so far to Harry Potter, Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Dudley is purely intentional. Aunt ridicules Aditya and shoos him away. Aditya also called as Slow motion ki aulad by his foster mother is very disturbed and whiles his time by looking out of the window. Comes a flying object which is blue in color. The boy is too naïve to shout ‘UFO, UFO’ so gives a sheepish smile. The object lands on his stretched palm and voila it’s a petal.

Another scene. The most hideous scoundrel of all time Riz Raizada (Kay Kay Menon) with a Mohican-Cum-Tower-styled hair and 2 irritating puppets in tow makes his own clone and straight away kills the clone. I am still interpreting why? He wishes to get hold of the Amrit so that he can be Amar forever but not before destroying the world. And you were thinking Big Bang Theory will end the world. Sigh!!! Anyways, so this Amrit ka secret is only with Drona. Riz has killed the earlier Drona and is in a lookout for the heir.

Next scene. The morose Slow motion ki aulad is now a young man with unkempt, grumpy look and hands in pocket (always). The petal still floats around him. It’s his birthday and he goes to see the great magician Riz Raizada performing in neighborhood. One look at Aditya and Riz knows that this gloomy man is Drona. He sends his army (death-eaters) behind him. Death-Eaters? I told you, any resemblance to Harry Potter is intentional. Ok, so death-eaters chase Aditya.

Enters turban woman (Sonia played by Priyanka Chopra) who saves Aditya. He is baffled. She narrates the history, geography and biology of who-he-is and what-he-is ending the story with an orgasmic look on her face. He maintains same expression. Death-eaters reappear. This time she saves him by speeding up in a race car. Any resemblance of high-octane car chase to ‘Fast and Furious’ is intentional too. Soon the death-eaters catch the duo and each death-eater pulls out a sword. SWORD??? You got the best race car for the chase and you pull out sword to fight? Whatever happened to the guns…??? So, Sonia madam pulls out knives from every corner of her body and fights back. Abhishek (who is still baffled with happenings around) suddenly realizes he is supposed to be the man wearing pants and gets strength from nowhere and throws a big iron gate towards the villains killing them at instant. Sonia Madam is amused, smiles a Kodak moment. *Click* and that’s her second orgasmic look.

30 minutes into the movie and bingo; Drona is everything I mentioned above. It was turning out to be extremely entertaining and was giving a tough competition to RGV Ki Aag and not to forget the profound logic that went into everything so far in the movie. I eased myself in the seat beaming to myself, ‘Abhi toh shuruaat huii hai’.

Pronto, I was in for another surprise. The movie takes us to some rural India (I think it was Rajasthan) where a mother (Jaya marathi-nahi-aati Bachchan) suddenly feels some kind of air touching her that tells her in the language which now I know only she understands that her santaan has returned. She started this conversations-with-air in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham and is continuing the trend. She comes out, sees her santaan from terrace and soon breaks into a song (keeping up the KKKG trend, you see). Mother B explains to Son B why she abandoned him and the entire flashback happens in form of comic strips. Mr. Director seems to be very fascinated with that idea. After mother stops the boring kahaani Riz appears and turns the mother into a statue. THANK GOD. Her mumbles were getting too much to bear.

Drona has all the secrets unraveled now. All he needs to do is find the way to get hold of ‘Horse’, ‘Sword’ and finally ‘Amrit’. The horse is described as something untamed so far which only Drona can tame. And when you see that untamed horse you will know that even Rajpal Yadav could have easily tamed it. The trail to find the sword goes through series of illogical puzzles. One moment is worth mentioning where they (Aditya and Sonia) are stuck as the clue says ‘Drona ki parchhai (shadow)’ something. They take ages to decode that. Aditya then slowly turns and says, “Tum Sonia. Tum ho meri Prachhai’. At this, Sonia Madam looks at him and gives another orgasmic moment to us. What a scene!!!

And after many such profound and thoughtful scenes/moments/dialogues, Riz is closer to getting the ‘Amrit’ after stabbing knife in Drona’s stomach. The blood falls on the barren land and follows a path and soon the barren land is blessed with greenery and day becomes night. The door to the ‘Amrit’ is visible and Riz gallops his horse towards it. Drona is still unconscious (not dead, how can he still be? think profoundly). Riz is running away and is now very close to the ‘Amrit’. Drona wakes up at that very moment, gets up with head hanging down and stands in that pose for 2 minutes. He then raises his head and voila there is a fierce in his eyes. The eye color has changed. It’s no blacker. It’s not remotely human. It’s silver, no, it’s all white, whatever but it’s scary for sure. Super-heroes aren’t supposed to flaunt that eye color Mr. Director. That’s for Zombies or vampires for your information. Riz is getting closer to ‘Amrit’. Drona is furious. He raises his right hand up in the air, makes a fist and Dhadaam. There goes the feeblest punch on the face of earth but earth gets circular waves and the waves start spreading. Waves reach the running Riz and he falls. Yes, he falls. A ripple from earth caused because of Drona’s punch make a running horse and a man on top of it fall. Wow!!! Hail to Goldie Behl. He is genius. Riz dies Drona wins. But that’s not the end.

Not shown how many years later but Drona is seen along with his now lively mother, without-turban wife and a son. Son goes to sleep and there is a look-alike of death-eater outside his room. The movie ends, you know what it means? It means our intelligent director is coming up with sequel soon. A SEQUEL??? I am off to enter a line in my will warning my offspring to stay away from anything that sounds Drona.